


You gotta rub me the right way

by TD84



Series: That which makes us [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Falling In Love, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Memory Loss, Punishment, Sexual Content, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 16:26:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 38,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TD84/pseuds/TD84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So the punishment for what he did has been dealt. But not in a way Loki ever expected. Or anyone else for that matter.</p><p>Loki finds himself in quite a frustrating situation, no longer able to do whatever he wants. Instead he somehow ends up doing quite the opposite of what he wants. On top of it all, a certain Tony Stark is getting dragged into it. Or maybe not so much dragged into it, but rather freely waltzing into it by his own accord. Tony is far too amused by the situation for his own good.</p><p> </p><p>Loosely based on and set after the first Avengers movie, though with a fair amount of freedom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A rude awakening

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Poetic Justice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/635514) by [Limmet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Limmet/pseuds/Limmet). 



_Loki awoke in his usual, wary way, which had only gotten worse over past years and had culminated somewhere around that time he woke up after the green giant had beaten him into the floor._

_That was six months ago now. But this morning was off, his eyes didn’t seem to want to follow his command and open, and he frowned._

_And noted that his face in spite of this remained still._   
  
_In fact, not a single part of his body was moving the way he wanted it to._

_He had a moment’s panic when he took in the darkness around him that he had just assumed was his unopened eyes, as he suddenly remembered that his sentence had fallen yesterday, and he realized it might in fact be his void of life. Had his body been stripped from him? Was he doomed to spend eternity, conscious but with no means to live? He raked his brain as he tried to recall Odin’s last words to him, to no avail._  
  
 _Suddenly he felt his body move, and relief washed over him. It was still his! He felt himself turn over onto his stomach, in the same instance realizing that he had been laid on his back. His eyes still wouldn’t open, but he calmed down, as he figured he must be having a very lucid dream. Having had the reassurance that he could in fact still feel his body, albeit momentarily not control it, he set about trying to explore the sensation._  
  
 _He could feel softness around him, which puzzled him. The dungeons of Asgard were many things, but soft was not a word he hitherto had used to describe them. Again, he tried to recall the day before. Again, he failed._  
  
 _Mentally shrugging, since his body was having none of it, he went back to taking in his still pitch black surroundings. He was naked, he mused, as he had felt none of the previous, ragged prisoner's cloth grate against his skin when he had turned over in his sleep. Only that softness around him, which he assumed must be a mattress and a cover. He analyzed the smell, since luckily his sleeping self was breathing through his nose, and was annoyed at his inability to place it, even though it seemed so familiar._  
  
 _Resigning to the fact that he wouldn’t get any other clues to his whereabouts until his – uncharacteristically so – lazy body decided to wake up, he settled for trying to get back to deeper sleep himself, and had almost succeeded, when his whole self was woken by a voice he knew far too well._  
  
"Alright sunshine, I don’t know who you are, or how the hell you got in here, but I can only ASSUME I’ve bedded you in the past. Sadly, I’m far too busy for history to repeat itself right now, so get out from underneath my bed sheets, and be on your merry way!"  
  
 _Loki didn’t know if he should panic more over the fact that Tony Stark had just barged into the room, ordering him out of what he claimed to be his bed, or that he still couldn’t control his body in the slightest as it, newly awoken and disoriented, tried to find its way out from under the covers._  
  
 _Or that he could hear his own thoughts, and that they were even more confused than he himself was!_

  
Loki woke up with a start, as someone was yelling at him.

Where was he?

Under a big, black sheet, it seemed, and he struggled to get out from underneath it. The voice that had ordered him out was new to him, and he worried that the words were true – had he indeed been bedded by this man in the past, surely he should remember it? Maybe his face would jog his memory.

He finally managed to pull the sheet off of him, and turned around to look at the man, who up until then had stood, impatiently tapping his foot at the time it took his bed guest to get out from underneath the covers, but now froze in what Loki interpreted as fear and utter surprise.

"Jarvis", the man barked and Loki wondered if it was at him, even though he was sure he went by the name of Loki.

The man’s next words both reassured and further confused him.

"How have you not notified me that it is in fact LOKI that is occupying my bed?!"

"Because I have not until not gotten a facial reading on the person, and there is no trace of the usual magic surrounding his person, sir."

Loki looked around him to figure out from where the collected voice was coming, but had no success. His gaze returned to the man in the doorway, whose fear was still there, but having seemingly decreased since the mentioning of a lack in magic. Loki was very confused.

  
  
_Loki was livid. And not at all confused._

_So this was his punishment, trapped inside his own body that had been stripped of magic and memories alike. He screamed at himself to answer the question he felt form in his own, but still not his, mind._

_"He’s the ENEMY! Kill him!"_

_But he could hear himself voice the question regardless._

 

"Who are you?"

At this, the man’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. Loki could see his hands trace the contours of what seemed to be silver bracelets around his wrists as he stepped forward, cautiously.

"Who am I? I’m a man who usually enjoys games, but am not sure I like this particular one. Who do you think I am?"

Loki frowned, and looked down into his lap, trying to remember the man. He was suddenly aware of his own nudity, his modesty only just covered by the bed sheet tangled up around his waist. This however didn’t bother him, other than the fact that it probably should have given him some clues to his relation with this person.

Nonetheless, his mind was blank. He lifted his eyes back to the man, who had advanced further and was now standing in the middle of the room, watching him intensely.

"I don’t remember, I’m sorry."

He hoped that the man wouldn’t take offense by this admission, but the look he got was suspicious, more than wronged.

"Really? Then may I ask what you are doing in my bed?"

At this Loki blushed, which resulted in a heightened eyebrow from the man.

"I don’t know. Again, I apologize."

Another heightened eyebrow from the man.

"You apologize? This prompts me to ask another question: Do you know who you are?"

At this, Loki smiled. Finally something he could answer.

"My name is Loki."

"I was afraid of that" came the reply and his smile faded.

 

_He apologized?! To Anthony Stark?!_

_Loki was fuming inside his cocoon of disobedient body and mind. Oh this was punishment alright. Watching sworn enemies getting confused at his own, humbled existence, no doubt amused beyond belief at his helplessness and seeming eagerness to utter words like “sorry” and “I apologize”. What the heck?_

_Loki racked his own brain to try and remember the last time he had been so utterly… COMPLAISANT, and failed miserably. Odin must have not only ridded him of magic and memories, but replaced his personality as well!_

_He growled at how this poor replica of himself agreed to borrow some of Tony Stark’s clothes, cringed as he felt himself put them on and outright screamed as he saw himself in the mirror. It was him alright, same slender body, same raven black hair, same green, green eyes. But the sight was a sorry one, with a top two sizes too big hanging off his shoulders, proclaiming some word he did not understand to the world, and baggy jeans, held in place by a belt._

_As he caught Tony’s amused smile in the mirror, still riddled with confusion but apparently more relaxed, he swore that he would not rest until he regained power over himself and could wipe that smirk off the man’s face with pain so outerworldly he wouldn’t believe._

_And when he felt himself return the smile with a tentative one, he vowed to inflict some pain on himself, as soon as a chance was given._

_"Come on then, Reindeer Games, let’s go meet some other old friends you might have forgotten."_


	2. Surprise guest

"Wait here."

_Loki could feel his body nodding to the command from Tony, and would’ve thrown his hands up into the air at the exasperation he felt at himself. He had with rising anger observed that the man of iron had made sure to utter everything he had said to Loki in command form – eat this bowl of cereal, brush your teeth, get in this car – like a toddler the man seemed to be testing his boundaries with Loki, and could only just mask his surprise when the god continually did as he was told._

_By the time they stopped outside a big conference room in SHIELD head quarters, the real Loki had resigned to sitting along for the ride, having long lost track completely of how many deaths to the insolent Tony Stark he would dish out, once he was back in control._

"Now remember, enter the room when I utter the magic word!"

_With this Tony disappeared through the door, leaving it slightly ajar so that the voices from inside could slip out. Loki mentally rolled his eyes at the stupidity of the man, and insult was added to injury as he was then completely taken back by the excitement he could feel in the pit of his own stomach. His annoying body was actually enjoying taking part of whatever charade Tony had planned out, and if he could bury his face in his palms, he would._

_And possibly die from embarrassment._

 

Loki could hear a dark, authoritarian voice through the door as Tony snuck into the room, and he leaned forward to listen out for the cue.

"… and if we look into last week’s public input… Stark? I don’t believe we’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing you at these weekly assemblies. Welcome."

Loki smiled to himself at the man’s, obviously a leader’s, sarcasm. The man whose bed he’d woken up in seemed to hold utter disregard for authority, and he admired it. Tony had also been kind enough to provide him with strange, but clean clothes, odd food and some form of dental hygiene products, all previously unknown to him. He felt a surge of gratefulness go through him, appreciating the positive feeling in what had otherwise been constant confusion since he woke up. And then he felt anticipation as he heard Tony’s voice, and concentrated on that feeling instead. Games and jokes made for good distractions.

"Thank you, Fury, you’re being very hospitable! Are those donuts?"

Another voice, also deep, but much calmer answered him.

"Raspberry jam. Please help-"

Tony’s voice interrupted him, this time with mouth filled of whatever a donut was.

"Thanks Hogan! Let me tell you guys about my morning! Around 9.45 I got the call from Jarvis as I was trying to remodel some chest plates in the lab, and although we have no idea how, SOMEONE was in my bed!"

"Alcohol?" another man offered, in a snide voice.

"Not this time, Big Bird", Tony replied. "Said person was not there when I left the bed. He somehow appeared during the morning hours, naked!"

The man Tony had addressed as Fury cut in, with an impatience to his voice.

"Stark. This is a meeting for Avengers business. Much as I revel in seeing you actually turn up for once, I do not intend to discuss your failing security systems and strange bed manners.

"I thought you would say that. Luckily – I figured as with most other invites I get – this is a 'plus one'?"

Loki felt a nervous pang as he heard the code word, and stepped into the room. His eyes immediately found Tony, as the man had placed himself quite close to the door, and he smiled appreciatively at the gesture. Not that he was afraid of meeting strangers.

But as he saw the faces of the men that at his entrance scrambled to their feet, maybe he should’ve been.

Four men stood, in various stages of rage, glaring at him. His eyes trailed over them, from a tall blond man whose eyes jetted between him and Tony, a dark haired man who was looking a little green around the edges and taking deep breaths seemingly to get rid of the nausea that had overcome him, a man at the head of the table who Loki assumed must be Fury, given the anger he saw in his eyes whenever he looked at Tony, and then a man, slightly shorter than the others, who looked at him with more hate than Loki could imagine possible. They all looked ready to throw themselves at him, and he involuntarily took a small step back. Tony quickly stepped up to his side, putting his arm around his back, for which he felt immensely grateful.

"That’s no way to treat my bed guest", Tony reprimanded them with an amused smile.

"What is the meaning of this, Stark?" Fury’s voice boomed. "How the hell did he get through security?"

"It’s not what you think. He doesn’t remember a thing! And he’s magic free!"

"This was not the best way to break these news to us, Tony", the tall, blond man reprimanded quietly, whilst glancing over at the two men closest to him, one of which looked less green but one whose hate was still firing daggers at Loki.

Tony smiled sweetly at the reproving words.

"It’s like pulling off a band aid, isn’t it? Go on, have a seat guys. Take a leaf of the Russian’s book!"

He gestured at a figure Loki up until now hadn’t even noticed, sat slightly to the left of the man harboring all the hatred, seemingly unfazed by the scenario. Her eyes quietly studied Loki, devoid of emotion, and he felt relief that there was at least one person in this room that was on his level, and didn’t know him. He also noticed that her arm was subtly stretched out over the side of her chair, the tips of her fingers gently touching the back of the hate filled man’s leg. For some reason he realized that it was this simple gesture that had kept the man from throwing himself over Loki, and he was overcome by a sudden fear at what he had done to make the man hate him so. Tony beckoned Loki to walk with him to the table, and sat down.

"Sit down, Reindeer Games."

At this the four men further tensed, but Loki tried to ignore them, and sat down next to Tony, effectively placing himself opposite of the woman. He flashed her a polite smile, but received no reaction other than that the gentle touch against the other man’s leg grew a little stronger.

"Come on, Barton", Tony intervened. "Even Banner’s returning to his pinker form."

Loki glanced at the man he had spoken to, but had to look away since the gaze was enough to burn through him. This wasn’t at all as funny as Tony had made it out to be. The tall blond guy cautiously sat down, as did the formerly sea sick man. Fury remained standing, as did Barton. All eyes were on Loki. He cleared his throat.

"Tough crowd!" he muttered disappointedly, which had Fury sit down, eyebrows shooting up from Banner and the blond guy, Barton barging out of the room, nothing from the woman. And Tony howl with laughter. Loki smiled inwardly, at least his new friend was enjoying himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cereal breakfast was a nod to Limmet's Poetic Justice, on here, which I follow with a manic interest at the moment.


	3. Formal introductions

_Loki calmed down. He hadn’t been able to hold his breath, or feel his heart pound, as it would’ve done if it was truly him being escorted into the lion’s den, sans magic powers. Barton’s look said it all, and the way Bruce Banner had almost tipped into hulk mode had terrified Loki, who still far too well remembered his last close encounter with the monster. But his “stupid version” had blindly followed Tony,_ trusted _him, and evidently almost gotten himself killed in the process. Loki growled, it was pure luck that the heap of testosterone constituting these four men in front of him had stayed in control of themselves, and by extension a perfect example of why he never trusted anyone._

_He was however, for the second time in his life, impressed by the level of self control in the woman, a fact he reluctantly admitted to himself as he felt his body sit down, facing her. But then his dumb self tried to smile at her, and he immediately added her to the growing list of people that must die once he gets out of the situation._

 

"I think it’s safe to say we’ll skip the previous agenda of today’s assembly", Fury stated as he watched Loki with a thoughtful frown on his face. "What the hell is going on?"

At this Tony shrugged and leant over the table to pull the box with delicious smelling baked goods over towards himself. He grabbed one and slid the rest over to Loki.

"I dare you to eat one without licking your lips", he said as Loki picked one up, examining it between his fingers.

"He’s not been allowed to sit down at this table in order to eat donuts!" Fury snapped." He is a war criminal, supposed to have been dealt with by the Asgardians! Instead he’s waltzing around freely in our world?! Give me one reason why I don’t arrest his ass this second!"

At this Loki felt a flutter of panic, but before he could react Tony did.

"I’ll give you two. One: He is, as I previously stated, magicless. A synonym for harmless, one might say. Two: How do we know that the Asgardian dealings haven’t already been dealt? He was shipped off to their world six months ago. Maybe this forgetful version of the god formerly known as Evil Prince is the result of his punishment? Arresting him again for crimes he might’ve already repented could result in diplomatic issues, surely?"

Fury frowned further.

"This is the first time I hear you use diplomacy as an argument, Stark. And it worries me."

To this Tony simply smiled and a thoughtful silence settled over the room, with all eyes still on Loki. He was about to take Tony up on the challenge, when suddenly the blond man leant in over the table, stretching out his hand to him. Loki moved the still untouched donut over to his left hand, and shook the man’s hand, with a polite smile.

"I’m Steve Rogers", the man started. "If what Tony says is true, and he’s usually quite perceptive, I believe we should introduce ourselves, as you probably don’t remember having met any of us?"

Loki’s polite smile grew into a slightly wider one, appreciating the sentiment. Steve paused for a second, glancing over at the other people around the table, as if silently asking for their permission. No one moved, and so he gestured awkwardly to his left.

"This is agent Natasha Romanov, that is doctor Bruce Banner, and over at the head of the table is director Nick Fury."

Loki smiled politely at the people being presented to him before he spoke.

"I’m Loki. You’re correct, if I’ve met you before I apologize, but the memory has evaded me."

The only person returning his smile was Steve, albeit still a bit reserved, as he sat back down with his eyes locked on Loki.

"What do you remember, exactly?" he asked, with a concerned look on his face.

Loki pondered the question. He’d been trying to think since he woke up to the strange situation. He didn’t remember anything, really. Which surely should freak him out, but it didn’t.

"It’s hard to say. I know my name is Loki. I know I’m not from around here, as I don’t recognize many of the things I see, but I couldn’t tell you where I’m from."

His eyes again wandered over the people in the room, all but one watching him with blatant curiosity written all over their faces.

"I don’t recognize any of you, I’m sorry if that offends you."

"Yet you don’t seem… disoriented or afraid?" Steve asked him. "Do you not feel misplaced? Or lost?"

Loki took another pause, then glanced at the man he’d known the longest before he answered.

"Not really."

 

_Loki wanted to scream. In fact he did scream, only his voice didn’t follow through with the idea. He envied Barton, who had left this room of absurdities. Tony Stark to his right, whom his body and lobotomized mind seemed to treat as a new best friend. Practically within grabbing reach of the monster whose green rage was what had stopped him and ultimately landed him here. And Captain America having some sort of faux feelings, identifying with his situation._

_Things could not get worse._

"Do you remember Thor?"

_Shit._

"No, sorry" _, he could hear himself answering and he bitterly thought that he was NOT sorry that he didn’t remember Thor, rather he was really sorry that he did._

"He’s your brother."

_He is NOT my brother!_

"I have a brother?"

_Loki panicked at the feelings he recognized as a small flutter of hope, as his other self took in this information that was obviously new to him. Thor must NOT get involved in this._

"Maybe he knows what’s happened?"

_Loki couldn’t focus on the discussion after that._

_Thor was the last person he wanted to see._

_Thor was ALWAYS the last person he wanted to see, but now more than ever, since his traitorous body seemed to look forward to it._

_He heard the men discuss ways of getting in contact with the thunder god, and then how Tony explained that he had some business to take care of and could anyone babysit Loki. He would have to kill, resuscitate and kill this man at least a hundred times, very painfully, before they were even._

_His anger was only dimmed somewhat by the curious fact that Natasha Romanov offered._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a musical reference, please enjoy Matt "Chainsaw" Chaney's "Donuts, Go Nuts!".  
> I think it somewhat sums up Tony in this chapter, very sillily.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_5fwEUJzK0


	4. Yet another new acquaintance

"I’m Natasha", the woman offered as she held out his hand to him.

Loki gave up the idea of trying the donut and put it back on the table as he smiled and shook her hand.

"I figured we could head over to my place whilst Tony’s taking care of whatever it is he needs to take care of."

Loki nodded and couldn’t help noting that Steve and Bruce looked relieved at the fact that she had offered. Fury did not.

"Agent Romanov, are you sure of this?" he asked her in a voice that didn’t hide his doubts in the slightest.

"You’d do well not to question my capabilities, Fury", she coldly replied. "Stark, a word."

She flashed Loki a polite smile as she left the room with Tony, who surprisingly didn’t voice any objections. The room fell silent. Loki looked at the donut and was just about to pick it back up as Steve cleared his throat.

"So… Tony’s bed huh? What a place to find yourself…"

Loki didn’t know how to reply to the statement, so he kept quiet. Which only prompted the man to keep talking.

"I mean… I can sympathize with your situation, and if I were to have woken up… in Tony Stark’s bed… naked…"

Loki saw how Bruce rolled his eyes, and Fury put his face in his hand. Steve must have noticed it too, since a faint blush was starting to form on the man’s cheeks. Loki remained silent, trying not to reveal a smile as the man looked to the others for help.

"Not that Tony would ever take advantage… I mean, there are probably worse places to wake up naked… not that I-"

At this moment Natasha and Tony returned into the room, and Steve thankfully slumped back in his chair. Loki flashed him a smile before standing up, as it was obvious that they were on their way out.

"Right Bambi", Tony nodded. "Romanov is looking after you until my boring company crap has been dealt with. I’ll come pick you up at five, if that’s okay? Be good for daddy."

With these slightly confusing words he was out the door, and Loki waved a goodbye to the men still sat around the table. Steve, still sporting pink cheeks, hesitantly returned the wave. Bruce did also, but Fury’s face was still in his hand. Loki turned to Natasha, who smiled a sweet, innocent smile, as she directed him to the exit.

 

_Sweet and innocent as the smile might have been, Loki was certain the Russian agent of death was leading him into a world of terror._

_Barton was the man that had been through the deepest pits of hell at Loki’s hands, and he knew that the two were close. The conversation she had had with Tony must have been some barter at how much she had to pay to get to be the one to kill him. Sure, Tony had been thrown out of a window, but compared to Barton’s ordeal, that was nothing. Maybe she had bought him_ for _Barton? Loki felt a phantom chill through his spine at the possibility of this being his last moments alive. His spine in reality felt nothing but a faint excitement. He could hear his own thoughts circling around curiosity about the woman, and then gratitude for her not knowing and hating him like the rest of the people he’d met. He laughed bitterly to himself._

_This was the second time Natasha Romanov had manipulated him using a display of feelings, or in this case a lack thereof._

_If anyone deserved to kill him, he supposed it had to be her._

 

They had arrived in a flat, which obviously was where Natasha lived. She had spoken briefly of things they had passed in the streets getting there, helpfully pointing out things like right handed traffic, newspapers headlines and coffee shops, in one of which he had finally gotten to try a donut. He had failed to not lick his lips while eating it, and had decided not to speak of the experience to Tony. Now they were sat in a big sofa in her living room, and she looked at him for a long while before speaking up.

"The man who rushed out is a friend of mine. I know you don’t remember, but you did some pretty bad things, to him more than anyone."

Loki felt a chill down his spine, and an unjust feeling of guilt in his stomach. He had no idea what he had done, couldn’t even imagine. He offered the only word he could, even though he didn’t know why he owed it.

"I’m sorry."

Natasha cocked her head at him.

"I believe you. But your apology has no meaning if you don’t remember anything, so let’s leave the subject."

Loki smiled appreciatively at her. She was practical, he liked that.

"Besides", she continued. "I’m more angry with Tony. Springing you on him like that was unfair."

Loki let out a short laugh.

"He seems to care little for such things", he mused.

Natasha nodded, with a hint of a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

"Indeed. I will have to avenge my friend somehow."

"Let me know if I can be of assistance", Loki offered. "I do like a practical joke."

Her smile grew a little.

"Thank you, I will."

They sat in silence for a bit, Natasha looking at him with mild amusement on her face. Loki looked around the room, taking in the few details that were scattered in the otherwise quite empty space. His eyes fell upon a square object, placed solely on a table. Like a shrine, he figured. Natasha followed his gaze.

"It’s a laptop", she informed him. "Used for writing, communicating, music…"

"Music?" Loki interrupted.

He knew music. He liked music. Natasha got up and collected the laptop.

"I figure it’s quite different from what you’re used to. But I can play you some, if you like."

Loki smiled and told her that he very much would like that.

 

_Music? Who had time for music?_

_Sure, he had enjoyed music once upon a time, Odin’s bards were the best in all of Asgard. And when the gods asked, they could play anything. In their younger days, before the comparisons began, Thor and Loki quite often had the musicians perform only for them, in the gardens around the castle. But that was long ago. Music held no place in his heart any more._

_Besides, whatever Midgardian music the woman would play him on this pathetic looking instrument, it would be a poor substitute for the royal bards. He heard her ask what he wanted to hear, and semi curiously listened out for his own answer._

"Something you like? Or that Tony likes?"

_He groaned. These constant references to Tony was making him sick to the stomach. Natasha smiled at him, and he wanted to punch her in the face._

"Tony has terrible taste, I have none of his type of music on here. I’ll ease you in with Bruce’s type of music, he only listens to the harmless stuff."

_Loki’s interest rose marginally. He hadn’t pegged Romanov as a musician, and yet she claimed to be able to play various kinds of music. Not Tony’s, mind, but that was hardly a surprise, as Loki assumed it would be the most horrid out of all the Midgardian musical styles._

_He looked at the woman opening up the laptop and how she set about pressing buttons on it. His interest instantly fell._

_A sorry excuse for music it was. No different notes, hardly a rhythm. Here and there she paused, eyes darting over what he assumed must be the notes. This instrument was so quiet! Then suddenly she stopped and leaned back. Utter rubbish, he wanted to yell, but could sense his own self forming some polite words of appreciation instead._

_Just as he felt his mouth open the instrument started playing another song, seemingly on its own accord. This song was completely different. And his mouth hung open._

_Never had he heard anything like this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really the beginning of the scene that had me start to write the whole thing - Loki's introduction to music.  
> Stay tuned, as they say.


	5. Poignant dedication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day - Sundays are good.

When the laptop went quiet after a few mind blowing minutes Loki realized his mouth was still open, and he closed it. Only to open it again to ask a question.

"What was that?"

Natasha smiled, in fact she had smiled at him all through the song, and answered.

"That was Brian Eno’s Deep Blue Day. One of Bruce’s favourites."

"You’re amazing at this instrument!" he blurted out. "I’ve never heard anything like it."

Natasha laughed.

"It’s not really me playing, Loki. It’s a recording, stored in the laptop, that I can listen to whenever I want."

Loki tried to get his head around this, but couldn’t quite fathom what she was saying. He decided it didn’t matter.

"Can you play another?"

Natasha shrugged.

"Sure."

She continued to play different songs that Bruce Banner liked, all described to Loki as calm and harmless. He noticed that they were still very different from one another, and she confirmed with an approving nod that the second song was something called reggae, whereas the third was EmmyLou Harris. Or country. Loki didn’t know what that meant, but he liked it. The laptop was only one instrument, but it outdid any concept of music he had before.

As the tunes to a song about a woman called Antonia died out he sat still. Natasha was looking out the window, seemingly almost as caught up by the lyrics and the feel of the song as he was, and he got curious.

"What music do you like?"

She snapped out of her daydreams and looked at him, before offering him yet another smile.

"My music is a little more… chaotic."

"Would you play me some?"

She laughed and looked up into the ceiling, pondering his request.

"I would say no, and tell you to take baby steps, but maybe I can find a mild one…"

She set out pressing the silent buttons again, which was obviously some equivalent to tuning. As she was doing so she explained.

"This is Devotchka. The song is called 'Such a lovely thing'. It’s a nice little gateway to what I like to listen to."

Loki tensed with expectation, and as the song started he quickly understood why she branded the songs that Bruce listened to as harmless in comparison. But he loved this also.

 

_Loki was exhausted. Swept away by Midgardian music. Who would’ve known._

_He felt an unfamiliar feeling of gratitude to Natasha for playing her laptop for him, and to his body for reacting in the same way as his real mind was doing. The first songs, Bruce Banner’s music, had filled his body and mind with calm, a peace he had not felt for centuries. Then, as he had redefined music after the premises shown to him by this woman, she blew his mind yet again, with the insanity that was her own favored style. It was like nothing he had ever experienced, and the fact that his body and mind realigned themselves with their reactions to it, made him feel like he was in fact in control of his body again._

_He had relished this moment on Natasha Romanov’s couch, and he was too mesmerized by the music to care._

"It’s almost five, Tony will be here soon."

_Natasha’s voice cut through the silence that had fallen after her choice of song had quieted. Loki wasn’t sure how long they’d been sitting in silence._

"I’ll burn you a disc. But you have to promise me that you will make Tony sit down with you and listen to the first song, I’ll put it on there for the two of you."

_Loki felt himself nod, and he was almost worried at how he would feel after being subjected to another, new experience. He had only heard a handful of songs, but they had all been so different, so complete and intricate, that he wasn’t sure his mind could process yet another one._

_But he hoped his body would want to try._

 

"So what did you guys get up to?" Tony asked him, as they were driving back to his home.

"She played me music", Loki answered dreamily, eyes at the traffic ahead.

He was still blissfully calm from Bruce’s music, even though that Devotchka song had jumbled his brain and his feelings.

"She made me a disc", he suddenly remembered and turned to Tony with a hopeful tone in his voice. "I promised her we’d listen to it when we got back. Would you mind?"

Tony took his eyes off the road for a moment to look over at Loki, before he smiled.

"DJ Natasha? Nah, sure thing. I hope it’s rock."

Loki didn’t know what material best would describe the song, as he hadn’t heard it yet.

"She said it was for the both of us, somehow."

"Now I’m ultra curious!" Tony said, and Loki could feel the car accelerate somewhat.

 

Loki sat down in the big sofa in one of the living rooms in Stark Tower. Tony walked over to a big, shiny piece of machinery and put the disc that Natasha had written “Loki” on inside it, and Loki felt a brief wave of worry at the fact that Tony’s instrument looked very different to hers, and wondered if that would be a problem, or make the songs sound different.

"Is it the first track?" Tony asked as he also played the silent, button pressing song that preluded the more musical ones.

"I believe so."

Loki was very excited, and noticed with relief when the music started that Tony’s instrument had a similar sound to Natasha’s, only much louder. Louder was good though.

"I know this one…" Tony started, with a suspicious tone, but was hushed by Loki who was once again thoroughly enjoying the feeling of this new song.

Suddenly Tony’s expression went dark, but Loki was far too deep into the song to care. It was only half way through the chorus that he realized what the man on the disc was singing.

"I wanna know what love is! I want you to show me!"

He couldn’t stop himself then from exploding into a fit of laughter at Tony’s face, as it combined with the realization that he had just unwillingly aided Natasha Romanov to exert a small amount of revenge on Tony Stark. Tony glared at him through the whole of the next verse, but when the singer once again emotionally went into the chorus, he also couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

 

_Loki had to give it to her. He hated his body for laughing out so loud at this, when it was actually very demeaning. But then, when Tony also succumbed to laughter he reluctantly admitted, as it was two against one, that it was kind of funny._

_He would still kill Natasha Romanov for her little stunt, but it was funny._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The track listing for those of you who want to hear what Loki is hearing is  
> Brian Eno - Deep Blue Day  
> Nondescript reggae - (I had Buffalo Soldier by Bob Marley in my head)  
> EmmyLou Harris and Dave Matthews - My Antonia  
> Devotcha - Such A Lovely Thing
> 
> And of course,  
> Foreigner - I wanna know what love is


	6. Nightcap

Loki wiped his tears away with one hand, whilst the other was clamped over his stomach, aching from the laughter that lasted as long as the love song, blasting through Tony’s home. He was leaning back in the sofa, trying to take deep breaths, and was finally calming down as the second song started playing – one he was happy to recognize as Bruce’s – and Tony, still with a huge grin on his face from laughing, threw himself on the instrument to turn it off.

"Oh hell no, not one of Banner’s crappy zen-songs!" he shouted in horror. "I can’t handle it!"

This prompted Loki to fall into another fit of laughter, which in turn set Tony off again.

After a good few minutes, they both calmed down, but Loki could not stop smiling. This, his first day of consciousness, had been a good one, and he looked at Tony with a swelling sense of warmth aimed at the kind man. Tony was also smiling, more to himself than anything, with his gaze thoughtfully at the floor as he walked over and sat down in the sofa Loki was perched in. When he looked over at Loki and saw him smiling at him, he flinched a little, before resuming his own smile, this time fired back at Loki, though maybe not with the same strength as the one he was receiving.

"Crazy day, huh?" he observed.

Loki nodded, and pulled his feet up off the floor to get into a huddled position in his corner of the sofa. The night was falling outside Tony’s huge panoramic windows, and he was feeling blissfully at peace after the long day of impressions. He could easily fall asleep this very moment.

Suddenly, the realization struck him and he jerked his head up and stared at Tony.

"I’ve just assumed that I can stay here!"

He scrambled to get out of his little nest of sofa cushions.

"I’m so sorry, how preposterous of me to assume that-"

Tony waved a hand at him, perched in the opposite end of the sofa.

"Relax Rudolph, you can crash here."

Loki gratefully let himself sink back into the soft corner.

"Besides, where else are you gonna go?" Tony helpfully pointed out. "We haven’t gotten a hold of your brother yet, and all you seem to have to your name at the moment is my clothes, so you might as well stay put."

"Thank you, Tony. You’re being very kind to me."

At this Tony coughed a little, or laughed, Loki wasn’t sure. The man rose to his feet, but Loki could detect a small blush on his cheeks as he strode over to a desk at the far end of the room.

"Don’t be ridiculous! It’s nothing. You would’ve done the same. Well, maybe you wouldn’t, but hey."

Loki was surprised to note that the man was rambling. He forced himself not to smile too evidently, and cuddled deeper into the spot from where he could see the man fiddling with bottles and glasses that he was producing from inside the desk.

"Anyone can change, I suppose. Speaking of change, I’ve recently changed from whisky to vodka, since Natasha seems to be able to hold her liquor much better than the rest of us – well aside from Steve – and I figured the trick is what she drinks. Admittedly, it doesn’t taste as good going down, but I’m giving it a go for a few weeks, and so far my mornings after haven’t been half as bad. Wanna try one?"

Loki nodded as he saw Tony hold out a bottle of clear liquid in his direction, but he had hardly noticed the question. Tony’s voice was nice to listen to, and in his dazed state from the eventful day, he was happy just to hear him talk, without listening to about what exactly.

 

_Loki could see the man pour the vodka into two glasses, and he was feeling as uncomfortable as the man of iron appeared to be, although he could not figure out what reasons Tony Stark had for fidgeting. His own discomfort came from the fact that his eyes were locked on the man, that he could feel a smile building on his lips, and more than anything that the lesser version of himself seemed happy!_

_Undeniably, the day had had some perks – the discovery of music, donuts and the fact that not one of the ridiculous Avengers had in fact killed him on the spot – but only a fool would end up, sitting on yet another sofa, staring at a man pouring him drinks, and feel this content! Loki amounted to so much more than this! His abilities, his knowledge, his POWER! The old saying was being proven true – ignorance apparantly_ was _bliss._

_Loki mentally shuddered as Tony came walking back towards the sofa, when his body, previously nestled comfortably in the corner, moved out from it to edge closer to the center of the piece of furniture. Tony gave him one of the glasses, then hesitated somewhat before sitting down on his end, which was now much closer than before._

"Cheers then, Reindeer Games" _, he mumbled and drank half of the glass in one go._

_Loki noticed how his body lifted the glass up to his nose to smell, and was slightly disturbed at the obvious strength of the beverage. He hoped that it would deter his disobedient self, but had no such luck, as he felt the glass being put against his lips, and tilted carefully to allow a small amount of the fluid to seep into his mouth. It stung a little, but was swallowed anyway, and he could feel it working its way down towards his stomach. It was a strange, but somewhat pleasant sensation._

_He had of course drunk strong liquids before, both magic potions and other ones for festive motives, but as was the case with music, the strength of vodka outdid his previous encounters with intoxicants. He hoped that his body would at least be sensible enough to respect this strength._

_He had no such luck either._

"Want another?"  _he could hear Tony’s slightly impressed voice. "_ The second one is always smoother."

_No thank you, no thank you, no thank you, he repeated manically to try and hinder himself._

"Yes, thank you" _, his traitorous lips smiled._

_Tony scrambled off to the damned desk and returned swiftly with two more glasses, fuller than the last. Loki wasn’t sure, but it felt like the man sat back down slightly closer than before. However he didn’t have time to ponder upon that fact as his stupid self took too big a gulp from the glass, resulting in a coughing fit as the vodka burnt its way down his throat. Tony quickly took his glass off him, placed both drinks on the table before them and thumped his hand on Loki’s back a few times._

_The pats helped and infuriated Loki._

"Careful, Bambi" _, Tony laughed."_ It’s strong stuff."

_When Loki stopped coughing his body leant back on the couch again, and noted how Tony hadn’t removed his hand from off his back, as it was suddenly pressed between Loki’s body and the back rest. Tony quickly withdrew his arm, blushing quite obviously this time._

"Sorry!"

"Don’t be" _, he heard himself answer, with what could almost be described as a husky voice._

_Loki fumed. The whole situation was getting out of hand._

_Luckily, Tony seemed to think the same, as he reached for a small device, placed on the table before them._

"Er, how about a film? I think Star Wars is showing tonight, one of the old ones. Which are the only ones worth mentioning, anyway."

 

Loki smiled. Tony was rambling again. What a star war was he had no idea, but he was perfectly happy just being sat next to him through any battles, so he nodded his consent. Tony visibly relaxed and aimed the device at a huge screen on the other side of the room. The screen came to life, and Loki’s attention was directed away from the other man and at a display of strange creatures parading before him. He noticed that Tony leant back into the sofa beside him, and Loki once again pulled his feet up to get comfortable.

 

_Loki could not keep up with the story line of the film._

_He had tried, but several things were distracting him._

_That his mind was exhausted from the long day, and further dizzied by the vodka, was only one contributing factor. That his eyes were slowly shutting from this exhaustion, preventing him from seeing the screen, forcing him to rely only on the audio, was another. But the most distracting fact was that as he could feel his body slowly falling asleep, he could also feel it edging closer and closer to Tony’s body, still very much awake and engrossed in the events on the screen before them._

_Helpless and unable to stop it, he suddenly found himself nestled against the man, unwillingly taking in the smell that had puzzled him so this morning._

_And just as he had resigned himself to the fact that he couldn’t sink any deeper, that his life couldn’t get more pathetic, he felt Tony Stark put a protective arm around his shoulders._


	7. Cheap thrills

_Loki woke up, again, in total darkness._

_The flash of panic was much shorter this time, as he quickly remembered his life situation. Stuck inside a sorry excuse of himself._

_He tried to feel his body, and assessed that he must still be lying on the sofa from the night before. He had reluctantly let his real mind follow his body’s example, and gone to sleep, even though the fact that he was cuddling up to Tony Stark was a severe blow to his sense of self-respect. He had woken up as Tony carefully inched himself away from him a while later, and even though his body had only half awakened, mumbling in protest at the warm body next to him leaving, his true self was wide awake in an instance, trying to establish who he hated more – Tony Stark for cuddling up to him on a sofa, or himself for cuddling up to Tony Stark._

_His despicable body fell straight back to sleep, but he stayed awake, listening to Tony’s steps around the big room. Suddenly he could hear them come closer, and then felt something being draped over him._

_Tony Stark was tucking him in._

_It took a long while before Loki could calm his anger down enough to go to sleep again._

_His body was still showing no signs of waking up, and he wondered if he should just try and get some more sleep himself, as he suddenly became aware of the fact that he could smell something cooking. At this he could also sense his body starting to move, as it was obvious that the prospect of food was waking him up._

_How primitive._

Loki awoke to a smell he couldn’t place, other than that it was something he would want to eat. He opened his eyes, and was somewhat confused as to his whereabouts. He looked around the room, realizing he was still on the sofa where Tony and he had spent the evening before. As his gaze fell on the big musical instrument that had played them their “love song”, he smiled. It had been a good day. He was happy that it had been Tony Stark’s bed that he had woken up in, despite Steve Rogers’ doubts of its advantages. He stretched his limbs and got up to go find the source of the pleasant aroma that had stirred him.

As he came into the next room he stopped. Tony was stood with his back to the door, and not having noticed Loki, he carried on doing what he was doing. Which was cooking something whilst humming. Loki listened closely and was pleasantly surprised that it was in fact the love song that Natasha had dedicated them.

"Good morning", he smiled.

Tony dropped the utensil he was using on the floor and turned around in a panicked move.

"Shit! Don’t sneak up on me like that!"

Loki smiled as he sat down on one of the chairs at the table placed in the center of the room.

"Sorry."

Tony took a deep breath as he was regaining his posture, and bent to pick up the thing he’d dropped before walking over to the sink to rinse it off.

"Natasha will be pleased to hear of you singing the song she gave us", Loki continued and watched in amusement as the man grew red.

"I’m sure she will", Tony muttered as he hurriedly returned to the food he was cooking.

A few minutes later he propped down a plate of something he explained was beans on toast in front of Loki, who quickly decided that it outdid donuts. Marginally. As he was eating, Tony spoke up.

"Banner called me this morning by the way. Still no contact with Thor. He figured we should gather here tonight and try to channel some Avengers energy or something to get his attention."

Loki looked at Tony with a smile.

"Like a party, or something?"

Tony gave a short snorting laugh.

"Yeah, or something."

 

It turned out the party was starting early as Steve Rogers turned up before anyone else just after lunch. Loki was sat on the sofa, with the head gear Tony had insisted he must wear if he wanted to listen to Natasha’s disc. It was preferable anyhow, since it then felt like the music was inside his head as it played. When he saw Steve walk through the door he pulled the contraption off, and waved at him with a smile.

"Hi Steve!"

Steve looked somewhat lost, walking into the huge room.

"Uh, hello Loki. Is Tony around?"

Loki looked around him, he had seen Tony walk around whilst he’d been sat listening to his music, but it was now a while ago since he saw him last.

"I’m not sure."

"Mister Stark is in his lab, sir", a voice suddenly informed them, and Loki turned around even more to spot the person he’d heard once before but still never seen.

He couldn’t see the man, but noticed Steve smiling at him.

"That used to get me too", he said with the smile still on his face, but somewhat sadder. "It’s Tony’s computer system that runs the house. It’s got a voice."

Loki looked at him with a puzzled face. Steve shrugged.

"Don’t ask me to explain, cause I couldn’t. Jarvis, could you please inform Tony that I have arrived?"

"Already taken care of, sir. Tony will be up shortly."

Loki put down the music tools that Tony had lent him, much smaller than Natasha’s, and gestured for Steve to sit down on the sofa. Steve hesitantly walked over and obliged. Loki remembered the fun that had come from keeping silent in the man’s presence last time, and decided to try his luck again. Unsurprisingly, Steve seemed to grow uncomfortable quite quickly, as Tony didn’t show up, and Loki remained quiet next to him.

"So, um… How’s Tony treating you?"

Loki smiled and purposely stayed silent whilst seemingly pondering the question.

"I mean…" Steve continued as the silence grew uncomfortably long, and Loki thought he could see a vague hint of pink starting to grow on those cheeks. "What did you get up to last night?"

Loki’s smile deepened and he decided to try a different approach to toying with the man.

"Tony’s being very nice, thank you. Last night we cuddled on the sofa and watched a film."

The vague hint of pink could in no way be described as vague any longer, and Steve stuttered to find a response.

"Oh? Uh, that’s… nice."

Loki beamed at him.

"It was lovely! And this morning, as he was making me breakfast, I overheard him singing our special song."

Steve stared at him for a moment, and it took all of Loki’s will power not to burst out laughing. He reached for the instrument Tony had lent him, which he had quickly learnt to maneuver.

"Do you want to hear it? It’s really nice."

Steve looked like he would rather throw himself out the window than listen to his and Tony’s special song, but Loki’s assessment of the man’s courtesy had been correct, and he smiled a very uncomfortable smile.

"Sure, why not?"

Loki quickly placed the contraption on Steve’s head and pushed the buttons so that it started playing the first track on the disc. He then watched Steve’s uncomfortable and confused face, and could without a doubt tell when the chorus started, as Steve’s face turned ever redder than it up until then had been. Loki smiled encouragingly at him, but made no move to remove the music and ease the man’s discomfort until he could hear Tony’s steps nearing in the next room. He quickly took the music off of Steve and placed it back on the table.

"Don’t tell Tony I played it to you", he whispered in confidence. "He thinks it’s too private to share."

Steve could just about bring himself to nod, staring at Loki with an almost fearful look on his face, as Tony walked into the room.

"Capsicle!" he proclaimed happily. "Come to join the happy family?"

 

_Loki tried to prevent himself from enjoying the little joke played on Steve Rogers’ expense. It was simple and childish. But as Tony entered the room, unwittingly making Steve even more uncomfortable with his comment, he couldn’t hold back his laughter. If he was going to be stuck like this for the foreseeable future, he might as well try to enjoy the ride. And his lesser self had just provided him with a very humorous situation, only seeming to excel as Tony’s apparent confusion at Steve’s rosy cheeks and stuttering answers to anything he asked kept growing._

_Loki set out to try and enjoy the rest of his day, body_ and _mind._


	8. A party crashed

It wasn’t much of a party, Loki stated, after the rest of the Avengers had turned up at Tony’s home.

Natasha had been the second one to appear, and he had smiled as brightly as Tony had glared darkly at her when she strolled through the door, not offering a reaction to either man’s display of emotion. Loki couldn’t wait to involve her in the ongoing joke on Steve, who was blatantly relieved when a fourth person turned up. But before he got a chance to get her away from the others, Bruce and Barton turned up, and the atmosphere changed somewhat.

It was obvious that Barton had been ordered there, as he went straight for the bar and poured himself a drink, before settling down in a corner. Loki tried to ignore the glares from the man, and listened in on Bruce informing Tony that Fury would not be participating, but that the rest of them should be enough to channel Thor.

"Channel Thor?" Loki heard Tony ask in disbelief. "You were being serious? Should I have dug out my Ouija board?"

Bruce gave him a mild mannered smile.

"We don’t know how to get in contact with the other realms, but the fact that we’re all gathered could hold significance."

"Jesus Christ", Tony muttered before he looked around the room.

He then proceeded to follow Barton’s example and pour himself a drink. Loki, who’d gone to sit down on the sofa, nodded at his question, and was instantly handed a large glass of vodka.

"Well then", Tony proclaimed to the room. "If we’re gonna hang out here all evening, waiting for lightening to strike, so to speak, we might as well have that party Loki has been asking about. There’s vodka and whisky and pretty much anything else in liquid form in there, help yourselves."

Natasha took him up on the offer straight away, and Bruce proceeded to pour himself a fairly modest glass of something dark, before sitting down next to Barton. Loki took a sip of the drink he’d already come to like, before trying to make eye contact with Natasha. A moment later, he discreetly looked at the door leading to the next room, and she got up and headed there. Loki could notice Barton’s eyes trailing him as he got up and followed her, he seemed to be the only one noticing their departure.

 

_Loki wished he could get his body to look over his shoulder, as he was certain Clint Barton would stab him in the back as he was following Natasha Romanov into the next room._

_When he got through the door, she was stood leaning against a table, arms crossed over her chest and with a blank expression on her face. Loki was certain the woman’s earlier behavior towards him had been a trap, and feared that his stupid body had now waltzed straight into his own execution. But when his voice told her of Tony’s reaction to the song she had tricked him into playing, her face broke up into a small smile. Which widened further when the voice he recognized as his, but could no longer control, pursued in telling her how he’d played the song for Steve Rogers. And before Loki knew it, he found himself thinking “tell her about Tony’s comment when he came through the door!”._

_If his body would have done so regardless, or if he had a brief moment of influence, he didn’t know, but it did extract a laugh from the agent. An experience not at all unpleasant, only completely surreal. He almost admitted to himself that he was sharing some of the excitement his body was feeling when Natasha suggested they should get back in there to try and find some other way of messing with Tony._

The evening went on, with no sight of the brother he was supposed to have.

Not that Loki minded at all.

Natasha was great fun. Totally poker faced she had put some seemingly random music, having Tony scramble through the room to turn it off, and Steve go bright red again, which in turn completely confused Bruce, who had been sat talking to him about something Loki couldn’t make out. Loki laughed out loud at the whole scenario, but Natasha only looked at Tony with a questioning face, giving the impression that she had no idea what prompted this odd behavior. No one but Loki noticed how Barton got up and left the room.

 

_Don’t do it, you idiot! Go back to the others, go put on the love song again! That was fun, wasn’t it? Let’s do that again!_

_Loki pleaded –_ pleaded _– with himself, to no avail._

_His body had gotten up to follow the archer, as the man made his way through the rooms and out on a balcony at the far end of the building. Loki felt himself stop and look through the window at him, standing leaning heavily on the banister overlooking the city. Then, with a growing feeling that this was going to end very badly, he felt his body take a deep breath and step out into the night. The man didn’t turn, but he spoke, low and deadly._

_"_ Don’t."

_At this Loki’s body paused, and he foolishly hoped he would listen to the man. Of course he didn’t. Instead he moved forward. The archer turned around, with a glare as strong with hate as before, which again stopped his thoughtless body dead in its tracks._

"I’m sorry."

_He could hear his stupid, futile words, and again started pleading with himself to move before it was too late, as he could see what was coming a mile away._

Loki was taken completely by surprise as the man struck him hard across the face. He tumbled back a few steps but had no chance to regain any balance before a sharp pain hit him in the ribs, sending him down onto his knees. Another blow across his face, paired with something sharp drawing blood, a lot of blood. Then almost instantly a kick to his chest pushed him to the ground, where he instinctively curled up in a fetal position. He would’ve been able to get up and run, or to fight back, as there was then a short pause in the attack. He didn’t, but rather chose to remain on the floor, absentmindedly noting that a rain had started falling. The moment of consideration was then obviously over, as Loki could feel an uninhibited kick against his stomach, and he coughed and saw blood splutter and mix with the now heavy drops of rain on the stone floor. He heard a rumble from the skies above him, and then several things happened at once.

Tony and Natasha came crashing through the door, and Loki saw her dive straight for Barton, pinning him up against a wall with a firm grip as Tony kneeled beside Loki on the floor, soaking his jeans in blood and rain. And then there was lightening.


	9. A brother's tale

_Not now, not him, not like THIS._

_Loki winced as he could hear the familiar, booming voice, backed by a deafening chorus of heavy thunder and cracks of lightening across the skies._

"WHO DARES LAY HANDS ON MY BROTHER?!"

_It was long since he had heard Thor this angry, but he didn’t appreciate the concern. It brought back too many memories of other situations, similar to this, when the god of thunder had swept in and saved him. Many times unnecessarily, every time unasked for and unwanted. His body was still huddled on the ground, a worried Tony in his line of vision, getting soaked in rain from the skies, in his blood from the ground._

"I do!" _he heard Barton growl, from underneath Natasha’s unrelenting grip._

_Don’t, Loki heard himself think, but was uncertain if it was really him, or his lesser version thinking it. Thor strode up to them with two steps, hammer in hand, and pushed Natasha to the side with a gesture Loki knew was retained, but still served as quite fierce and had her flying. Steve, who stood by the door, caught her in his arms, which only landed him an angry glare from the woman, as she found her footing. Thor’s huge hand gripped Clint Barton’s neck and lifted him off the floor, still pushing him against the wall._

"You kick a man when he’s down, do you?!"

_Another display of lightening lit up the sky at his words, paired with an unbearable roar of thunder._

_Suddenly Loki could feel his body trying to get up, and how it winced at the pain that it resulted in, though he himself knew this was nothing in comparison to the similar situations in the past._

"Don’t hurt him, please", _he heard his voice tremble, and amazingly it carried through the storm, as Thor immediately let go of Barton, who fell to the ground gasping for air._

_Next moment Tony was unceremoniously pushed to the side, as Thor knelt down in front of Loki. Familiar blue eyes with a worry that was always there to some extent whenever they looked at him, but this time strong and unveiled, found his._

"I am deserving of this" _, his voice went on_. "I realize as much."

_Then his body slipped into unconsciousness, and Loki realized that his own threshold for pain far outdid what this body was capable of. He felt Thor’s strong arms lift him off the ground, and heard Tony dish out orders to the people around them as he felt himself be carried back inside._

_He noted that the thunder and lightning instantly had died down, and that only the heavy rain persisted._

Loki awoke, with a groan, as he could feel pain in most parts of his body. He somehow knew the feeling from before, but could at the same time not remember ever having suffered from it. He looked around and saw three people in the room with him; Banner, standing fiddling with some bandages by a table, the man he understood was Thor, anxiously striding back and forth in the center of the room, and Tony, sat on a chair close to Loki, a shade less worried as he saw him wake up.

"Sleeping beauty is with us", he announced as he leaned back in the chair, and Loki realized that Tony had been sat leant forward, as if bidding him to wake up.

"Brother!" Thor’s voice came, and Tony scrambled to get out of the chair and out of the giant man’s way as the stranger barged his way to Loki’s bedside.

Loki flinched a little. The man was indeed a giant, and not at all how he had imagined a brother of his to look.

"Careful Thor", came Bruce’s calm voice. "He doesn’t remember you."

Thor’s face fell, but his eyes didn’t leave Loki’s.

"Is this true, Loki?" he beckoned, with a fear in his voice.

Loki felt guilt at having to disappoint the man so utterly, when Thor’s love for him was obviously so overwhelming. Oh how he wished he was at his full senses, he would’ve greeted him in a manner much more deserving. He offered a warm, apologetic smile, fully knowing that this was a meek substitute for a brother’s love.

"I’m sorry, it is true. I can’t remember anything before yesterday."

Thor stared at him like he refused to accept it. Then he spoke.

"Had I been able to foresee this I would hesitated before bringing you back to Asgard six months ago. Your sentence for past wrongdoings fell day before last - where you have been kept during the time leading up to it I do not know, as I never received answer upon my persistent inquiries. When finally the day of your trial arrived, mother and I were denied entrance to the chambers. Odin held private court without witnesses, without an audience, just you and him behind locked doors. It lasted for hours, and we were outside, me trying to break the walls down to get to you, as this procedure was unjust and held no support by our laws. Our mother cried, and after a while I stopped trying to tear them down as it was futile, and just held her in my hands, bloodied from where the walls had relentlessly resisted my desperate attempts."

Loki listened with a heavy heart at his brother’s tale. The thought of their mother crying over his fate hurt him, and he feared Odin, whoever that was.

"After several more hours our mother’s tears had run out, and I am not ashamed to say many of my own fell as hers dried out, and suddenly the wall came down as it was obvious that the magic Odin had used to carry out your sentence had vanished. He stood, weary but strong, before us. ‘Father’ I cried, ‘what have you done?’. He ignored me, but fell to his knees next to our mother, who withdrew from him with a hatred I have never before seen in her eyes. ‘Trust me, Frigga’, I heard him whisper. ‘I’ve set things right.’."

Loki couldn’t breathe. His father had done this to him? The fear of Odin was replaced by the fear of himself, already there after Barton’s reactions upon seeing him, but now fuelled by the knowledge that whatever he had done could drive a father to do this to his own son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should warn you not to get used to these daily updates, as I might not have time to keep them up over the next few days.  
> Though I hope you deem it worth waiting for.


	10. Been and gone

_It is not you who are to blame! Odin made you what you are. Thor did too, in his unknowing way. You cannot blame yourself, you cannot FEAR yourself!_

_You cannot fear ME!_

_Loki desperately tried to reach himself, he was tormented by the fear and discomfort running through his body as he could hear his thoughts, afraid of what he himself had done in the past. His lesser self had without a doubt bought into everything Thor had told him, and even though the pain in his disconnected heart at the mention of his mother’s sorrow had been his own pain also, he was not prepared to let Odin’s treatment of him be so easily overlooked._

"What did I do for our father to do this to me?" _he could hear himself whisper, at the same time hearing his thoughts repeating “I don’t want to know, I don’t want to know”._

_Thor smiled sadly._

"Nothing we didn’t aid in our treatment of you, dear brother."

_Those words paralyzed Loki._

_A thankful warmth was spreading through his body, but it was his other that was feeling it, and he tried to fight it. If he could only look away, break contact with those blue eyes, unrelenting as they were. But he was caught, sentenced by Odin, and unable to escape._

"It pains me to see you like this", _Thor continued._  "I will return to Asgard to try and talk sense into Odin. Your memory will be returned to you, you have my word."

_Loki felt himself smile at the man._

"Thank you, brother. I look forward to remembering you."

_Loki laughed bitterly. Only Thor would be so stupid as to not take advantage of the situation. The thunder god’s foolish sense of right and wrong, and his unwavering care for Loki, would be what ended this, what Loki saw in his eyes and could feel in his own body; a budding hope of reciprocated love between brothers._

_He saw Thor stand up from his kneeling position next to the bed, and inform Tony and Bruce who had been silently standing in the other corner of the room, that he was leaving._

"Look after him, man of iron", _Thor’s voice came, with an edge that carried a warning to it._  "I will return for him."

_With that he was gone, and Loki had to remind himself that the feeling of loss was all his lesser self’s._

 

Loki looked down into his lap. His brother had left as quickly as he turned up, and he felt sad about it. He noticed Tony and Bruce seeming uncomfortable in the corner, and he realized that they had witnessed the whole conversation. He looked up at Tony, who took the opportunity to return to his seat next to the bed.

"Whatta guy, huh? Family resemblance is a bit off, but since you’re adopted, it’s not…"

Bruce’s sudden cough had Tony interrupt his spoken out loud train of thought, and he instantly quieted with a nervous look at Loki.

"Shit. You will have forgotten that, won’t you?"

Loki wasn’t sure how to react, and what to do with the information, though it certainly explained the difference in appearance between the giant and himself.

"The way he was treating me makes me certain that that fact holds no significance", he stated after a few moments.

Tony broke into a relieved smile.

"I’m glad you think so, buddy. He’s a great guy to have as a brother."

 

_Loki tried to erase his own words from his mind._

_It does hold significance! We are not connected, we are not related, he cannot care for me the way a blood brother could. He would not, he SHOULD not!_

_He cannot love me._

_At this last sentence he halted. He was too weary to continue down that familiar path, admittedly not travelled for many years – not since those first, painful years after he had learnt of his adoption – but still so well-known to him, as it had been so thoroughly and self harmingly explored._

_The difference this time, that had almost pushed him down that road again, was that he had not been able to flee Thor’s words and expressions of that brotherly love he had treasured so growing up, but found out to be a lie. And those blue eyes had almost reached him, had almost tricked him. Whether this was a conscious plan of Odin’s or not, he could not be sure, but he would_ not _be lured back to where he had before been so hurt._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter one this time, but it's got some important parts nonetheless.  
> Tony's big mouth, for one. And a little peek at the hurt _Loki_ is carrying with him.  
>  I hope you liked it.


	11. Bad dreams

_He was having a nightmare. Loki sighed to himself, anxious for his body to wake up and be done with it._

_He had been left in the room, as Tony and Bruce had agreed that it would do his bruised body no favors to be moved around, and as Tony had directed Thor into a perfectly well equipped guest room, no harm was done turning it into his bed chambers. Bruce had looked him over once more after Thor had left, making sure the bleeding from the cut across his cheek had stopped, and that the other parts of his body that had received Barton’s pent up hatred weren’t in too bad a shape. It was however obvious that regardless of the lack in magic, his healing abilities far outdid what the mortals were used to._

"You probably just need lots of sleep. Besides, I wouldn’t leave if I weren’t certain you’re safe", _the man had assured him and Loki had marveled at the vast difference between this man and his alter ego, at the same time trying to ignore his body’s overwhelming feeling of gratitude, undoubtedly embarrassingly apparent in his eyes as they gazed up at Banner._

_Steve had popped his head through the door after Banner had left the room, looking at Tony, then Loki, then back at Tony whilst obviously trying to think of the right words to say._

_"_ Natasha’s taken Clint home", _he had finally managed. "_ They were stood on the balcony talking for some time, I’m not sure how he is."

_He had then turned to Loki._

"Bruce informs me that you’re gonna be alright. I’m glad."

_Loki had felt himself smile. Tony had gotten up from his seat to walk Steve out, assuring Loki he would be right back._

_And sure enough, he had not been gone long. But Loki’s body had nonetheless fallen back to sleep before he returned. Still, Tony stood in his room for some time, and it frustrated Loki immensely that he could not see what the man was doing._

_He heard him address his computer before he finally left._

"Jarvis, monitor him. Alert me if anything is out of the ordinary."

 

Loki was walking unfamiliar grounds. He’d only been conscious for two days, so he wasn’t foolish enough to assume that he would recognize his surroundings, but this was something else entirely. Icy cliffs, reaching up into the air and past the clouds, and deep ravines, hidden in cracks in the ground that he dared not venture too close to.

He was looking for his family, this much he knew. And by now he had gotten used to not knowing much, so he had settled quite happily for this simple purpose.

He looked around him as he walked, but there was no movement, even though the biting wind was careening over the wastelands, howling as it went. He realized then that there was no life anywhere to be seen, not a single flower, tree or spot of grass. Only ice and stone. He shivered. But kept walking.

After what felt like an eternity a shadow fluttered past in his peripheral vision, and he stopped and turned to where he thought he had seen it. Somehow he felt a presence, and knew that he should know who it was.

"Brother?" he tried, but only the wind answered his call.

He started walking towards the cliffs before him, unexplainably certain that whoever was eluding him was hiding there somewhere.

"Mother?" his next word came, more hesitant now.

Still nothing.

A fear was growing inside him, but he knew he had to push on. He stopped momentarily to decide what direction to pursue, when a noise broke through the monotonous wail of the wind. A rock, falling to the ground, having been knocked over from the place it had rested since the dawn of time and he knew.

"Father!" he breathed, suddenly terrified, but still he went to turn around to face him.

Only before he could a blow, much harder than Barton’s had been, pushed him to the ground. And the cut that on the balcony had only drawn blood this time went far and deep across his face and he screamed as he could feel it cut open one of his eyes, rendering it useless.

It went on.

All the hatred he had so humbly accepted from Barton struck him again, thousand fold. And no one came to stop it this time.

 

_Loki was getting worried. He could not see what his other self was seeing before his inner eyes, but he could feel the effect it had on them both. What had started as a mild discomfort had quickly dissolved into panic. His eyes were still closed, but he could feel his body, rocking back and forth as if it had yet another mind of its own and was trying to wake itself up. He then heard the door open, and he was – for the first time in his life – happy to hear Tony Stark’s voice as the man muttered to himself upon entering the room._

"Holy crap, the god is possessed by the devil."

_He felt the bed sink somewhat as Tony must’ve sat down by his side, and then felt strong hands grip his shoulders and shake him gently. His body noticed nothing._

_"Shake me harder! Get me out of this!" he found himself imploring Tony, and as if the man could hear him, he gripped Loki harder and successfully brought him out of the nightmare._

_Loki was so relieved at how fast the panic dissolved he couldn’t bring himself to be upset at the fact that his lesser self threw himself into the arms of Tony as he woke up, still scared as the last traces of panic vanished slowly. He settled for being mildly annoyed, and it didn’t even get worse than that as he noticed how Tony held him close._


	12. Edging closer

Loki blinked his eyes, trying to rid himself of the tears that had been building in them and of the phantom pain that was still lingering in his right one.

He could feel the pressure of Tony’s arms around him, preventing him from drawing deep breaths without effort, but it didn’t matter as his breath was shallow and hurried still. He did not want to leave this moment, but knew that he would have to eventually. Tony kept still, uncharacteristically silent, and they remained in the embrace, without words, until Loki’s breathing had finally slowed down. The nightmare was then long gone, and he had trouble even remembering what it had been about. Instead, he observed the strength with which Tony was holding him.

The side of his face was pressed against Tony’s chest, but he could feel a strange, hard surface through the shirt the man was wearing, and his mind was curiously drawn to it. He went to remove himself from the close hold, and was met with a brief reluctance from Tony before he was released.

"Are you okay?" the man’s voice came, with a serious tone he would had previously thought Tony incapable of.

Loki smiled at him.

"Yes, thank you. I was having a nightmare."

"I figured as much", Tony replied, and then seemed to feel the need to continue. "It looked a bit panic attack-y, that’s why I held you so close. I’ve heard that pressure helps."

Loki reached out and touched Tony’s arm in a thankful gesture, already missing the closeness from seconds before.

"It did."

Tony didn’t seem to mind the touch, and Loki let his hand rest there as they sat in silence for a few moments. He then trailed his hand over to where he had felt the hard surface and let his fingertips press carefully against it.

"What is this?" he asked, gently.

Tony had a look of surprise flash across his face before he knowingly nodded to himself.

"The memory loss, remember."

He then tapped just above where Loki’s fingers were still resting, resulting in a slightly hollow sound.

"It’s an arc reactor. A little device keeping me alive, so to speak."

Loki’s brow furrowed as he felt worry.

"Who wants to kill you?"

Tony laughed.

"Oh, lots of people! But it’s more about _what_ might kill me in this case. Long story short, I have had shrapnel blown into me, and in order to keep it from working its way into my heart, I need this little creation to stay put. It’s not as bad as it sounds, and it looks pretty cool. Works well with the ladies."

Loki tried to take him on his words and let go of the worry, but found that it was very difficult to shake the uneasiness that had come from the idea of Tony being in danger. He tried to focus on something else.

"Can I see it?"

 

_Loki was uncomfortable._

_He had surprisingly not been horrified at being held like a child by Tony Stark, but rather, if not enjoyed the experience, then at least acknowledged that it was enjoyable for his body to be squeezed tightly as it was crawling out of the panic it had gotten lost in._

_He had granted himself as much, after all he’d been through._

_And then, as Tony had stayed seated on his bed, and the two of them had sat in silence, he hadn’t minded overly._

_But as his other self had asked the question to see the arc reactor, he had immediately realized that the neck of the shirt the man was wearing was too high to pull down far enough to show the device, as it was placed quite in the center of his chest. He saw Tony hesitate for a moment._

_Please don’t. I’ve seen it. It’s not that great._

_But Tony Stark was of course too boastful not to show his inventions off, Loki grudgingly concluded as the man started pulling his shirt up to his chin to reveal the device. Showing off his – surprisingly attractive – human torso in the process._

_"_ Okay, here she is. Or he. Or whatever…"

_If Tony had intended to carry on rambling he was cut short as Loki’s hand was once more moving up to touch the reactor, this time without fabric in between. His eyes were locked at it, and the real Loki rolled his eyes as he could hear his thoughts._

_It’s not THAT beautiful._

_Then his fingers, pressing lightly against the surface of the creation, tentatively moved lower._

_What are you doing?_

_He could feel the sensation as his fingertips neared the sharp edge of the reactor, kept going, and moved over smooth skin instead. They were only barely touching the man, but he could feel Tony’s heartbeats, pounding hard through that touch, into him._

_This is ridiculous, what are you doing? Stop touching him, stop staring at him!_

_But as it had been for the past few days, his body was neglecting to react to any of his orders._

_He was forced to see what his body chose to look at, and it was currently admiring Tony Stark’s toned upper body, slowly letting eyes wander, exploring it, with fingertips following in their tracks. He could notice Tony’s breath hitching a little, as they neared the seam of his pajama pants, and he was marginally calmed at the fact that it made the unruly fingers start to make their way back up the body. His eyes gazed up to meet Tony’s, and he anxiously noted that the man’s pupils were dilated, more so than he would like them to be, as he looked back at Loki._

He was so beautiful.

Loki’s fingers ached with longing as he forced himself to keep the touch light. He could easily have pressed down hard, leaving marks and bruises. But he knew that his own body was still feeling the abuse from the night before, and even if Tony’s eyes seemed to reveal a certain longing too, he was aware of the fact that it was probably unknown territory for the man.

If it was unknown to himself, he didn’t know, and didn’t care. It felt right.

All he wanted was to be close to Tony. To be closer to Tony. He removed his fingers, which had found their way back to where they’d started, and placed his hand down on the mattress next to Tony, to find a balance as he slowly, but with determination, leaned forward.

 

_Loki braced himself as he realized that his body wouldn’t stop, and that Tony wouldn’t stop him. He felt his eyes close, and was thankful for the small mercy of not having to stare at the other man’s body, however enjoyable it might be to look at._

_Suddenly a spark went through his whole body and he was shocked and confused for a brief moment before he could place the origin of the sensation._

_It was his lips._

_This was like no kiss he had ever shared before, and he was stunned for a moment. Then he could feel Tony pressing a little against him, letting his tongue taunt Loki’s lips, in a bid for them to open. Obediently, they did, and his initial panic was blended with another spark he felt fly through his body. Then suddenly a voice carried through the room and had the two bodies jump away from each other, as if having been burnt._

_"_ Sir, director Fury is by the door, demanding to be let in."

_Tony shot him an embarrassed glance as he got up._

"Crap. Tell him I’ll be down in five."

_Tony got up off the bed, paused for a second but didn’t seem to find any words, and rushed out of the room. Leaving Loki, heart pounding, feeling like he just dodged a bullet. Though his body was quite obviously of a different opinion._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another double Sunday update!


	13. First move advantage

Loki lingered in the hallway leading to the big living room, from where he could hear Fury’s fittingly furious voice.

"… and then Banner informs me that not only has Thor been and gone, he’s also promised our prized enemy to try and return his memory?!"

"He wasn’t sure he’d…-" he heard Tony begin, only to get interrupted.

"Please tell me that one of you geniuses let him know how mind-blowingly stupid an idea that is! And while you’re on the topic, please tell me how you thought it was a good idea to throw a party? AND why you thought it would be hilarious to let Loki and Barton, who had both apparently been served a fair amount of alcohol, out of your sight! Given their history, I would say those two are the least compatible party guests on this planet right now!!"

Loki stepped into the room and cleared his throat.

"Excuse me, director Fury."

The two men looked over at him, surprised and annoyed respectively.

"I would just like to say for the record that it was not Tony’s idea to throw a party. I asked for it. And as for what went on between Barton and myself… Well, I suppose I kind of asked for that too."

His words seemed to have little effect on lessening Fury’s annoyance, but Loki went on.

"Thor’s idea of attempting to return my memory to me will most probably not mean that the magic I have before possessed will be returned as well. I know it is not up to me, but I would like to know the extent of my crimes, and of course my reasons for committing them, at fault as they probably are."

Fury’s face softened slightly, going from annoyed to inexpressive. Loki continued, and even though he still looked at Fury, he found that he was really addressing Tony.

"I tried to apologize to Barton, but as Natasha has already pointed out to me, what I don’t remember I cannot own up to. My apology was nothing more than an insult to him, which I accept and understand. People here have still been good to me, and until I am at my full senses, I won’t be able to repay them."

Fury looked at Tony, and back at Loki.

"I’m not so sure we like the currency your full senses use."

After this he sighed and turned to leave.

"Stark, I expect a written report on my desk Monday. And if you’re gonna have Jarvis write it, at least have him sign it with your name, for the sake of appearances."

"Jarvis, did you get that?" Tony called out as Fury stepped into the lift.

"Yes sir", Jarvis’ reply came and with that the elevator door shut behind Fury.

 

_Loki couldn’t even muster the energy to be angry anymore. This horrible version of himself was so much like Thor he could’ve sworn the adoption was made up. Same sense of duty and honor and bullshit. So what if Barton had suffered at his hands, who doesn’t suffer in war?_

_He found himself being, again, forced to look at Tony, as the two men stood in silence after the director had left them._

"You didn’t have to do that, you know", _Tony said after a while._  "Fury doesn’t scare me. He usually comes here to scream at me, as he doesn’t have the heart to scream at Steve whenever we’ve all messed up. And he daren’t scream at Bruce or Natasha."

"It’s true though, you had no fault in this."

_Loki cringed as he heard himself utter such noble words._

_Get over yourself._

"Besides, I figured my plea would make him uncomfortable and leave", _his voice continued as he could feel his lips forming in a wry smile._

_At this Tony smiled and arched an eyebrow, but Loki could see a trace of nervousness shining through in his eyes._

_"_ Want me for yourself, do you?" _the man nonetheless asked, with a small hint of a challenge draped over the words._

_Loki was beginning to feel an aching in his body, starting in his fingers, remembering the feel of Tony’s skin. He got increasingly worried that he would have to see, and feel, a lot more of Tony Stark before the night was over as his body started moving towards Tony, almost predatory. He could see the man’s breathing quicken slightly as he came closer, and when he stopped they were mere inches apart._

_"_ You’re sweet, Tony", _he heard himself purr, with a sudden patronizing edge to his voice, and he was instantly confused._

_Where was he going with this?_

_His hand reached out and grabbed the neck of the shirt the man was wearing, and pulled him in for a deep kiss. This time it was him pressing on, forcing a stunned Tony to part his lips and let Loki take control. Loki himself was thrown at the restraint his body was showing, as he could feel how his true reactions were causing havoc – a very pleasant havoc – on his insides._

_Then suddenly, abruptly, he broke the kiss, and let go of the shirt. Tony stumbled back a step, panting slightly._

_Loki felt himself smile, in that superior way he hadn’t for so long._

"But you couldn’t handle me."

_He then turned and left the room._

_Loki realized at that moment what his lesser self was planning on doing._

_He was going to try to seduce Tony Stark._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of me wishes I had set out to write Tony's side of this whole thing, especially now that Loki ups his game!  
> We'll just have to guess what's going through mister Stark's mind through all of this.
> 
> Slightly shorter update today - sorry about that - though there'll be more tomorrow, so sit tight. And if you like today's chapter, I feel confident enough to say you will feel the same about tomorrow's.


	14. Rolling on the third wheel

Loki woke up the next morning as an aroma he now recognized found its way into his new room. He stretched, noticing with a smile that his body was almost back to normal.

He did heal fast.

Before he left the room he looked in the mirror, and tried to compare himself to Thor. He found very few similarities. In fact, only one. Though Loki could never be described as a giant, he almost matched the thunder god in height, towering a good few inches over Tony, for example. He saw his green eyes gleam as he pondered on how to use that fact to his advantage. Then his stomach made a call for his attention, and he went to investigate if it was indeed beans on toast that was on the menu.

He hoped it was.

 

_Loki muttered to himself as Tony placed a plate full of the very unglamorous, ungraceful food he had regrettably come to know as beans on toast before him. A sloppy pile of goo on top of increasingly mushy bread, practically impossible to consume with any air of elegance. Though he couldn’t object to the taste, the fact that his lesser self had found yet another way to resemble his stupid “brother” was enough to ruin the morning, as he had to suffer through slurps and spilling and general messiness._

_Congratulations Odin, you have ridded me of my table manners also._

_He glared through the eyes that moved to Tony after he had finished the procedure of eating the damn thing. The other man had been just as bad._

"It’s pretty good, isn’t it?"

"It’s lovely. Thank you for making me breakfast, Tony."

_His voice made a pause._

"I’ll have to make it up to you some time", _it then carried on._

_Tony smiled a cocky smile as he stood to clear the table._

"That you do. I’m sure I’ll be able to think of something."

_Jarvis’ voice broke the tension that had instantly started building._

"Sir, captain Rogers is on the line, shall I put him through?"

"Well I was gonna do the dishes, but I suppose I can talk to him at the same time, as I can actually HANDLE more than people think."

_The last words were spoken out in direction to Loki, who just smiled that patronizing smile from last night. Suddenly Steve’s voice was heard through the kitchen._

_"_ Stark, are you there?"

"Yes Steve, it’s a phone. You can’t see me, but you can hear me."

"I know how phones work, Tony", _came the offended reply. "_ I just never know if you decide to take my calls or if you hang up on me."

"Well, I’m all yours now – I’m doing dishes, so nag away, dear!"

_Loki could hear his thoughts running, as his devious lesser self was trying to find a way to use the fact that Steve was on the line. He had long accepted that he had no chance to deter his other self, so he simply sat back to see what he would come up with._

_Steve had started explaining an upcoming mission, to which Tony offered short contributions, like “u-hu” and “yup”, when Loki’s body went into action and slowly stood up, careful not to make a sound. Tony was stood with his back to him, leant over the sink, and Loki realized what the plan was. He couldn’t help but snicker slightly to himself, as surprise attacks were always amusing._

_Silent like a cat, Loki’s body moved towards the other man, and it wasn’t long before he was stood so close behind him that he could almost feel the heat radiating from him. He then placed both hands against the sink on either side of Tony, pressing against him in the process, resulting in a surprised outcry from the man._

_"_ What’s happening?!"  _came Steve’s voice, part worry, part authority – a captain demanding status report._

_Tony tried to wriggle away from Loki, whose body stood ground, smiling slyly._

_"_ Nothing, Loki’s just…"  _Tony explained, but broke off as he failed to maneuver himself_ _away from the_ _intimate position._

 _"_ Loki’s just what?! Do you need backup?!"

"We’re alright, thanks", _Loki’s voice let up. "_ I’m just trying to find a good way to make up for the breakfast Tony just served me."

_At that Steve went quiet, and Loki could picture the man’s cheeks turning that recurring pink whilst frantically trying to find something to say. Tony obviously had similar thoughts since he spoke up to try and ease the discomfort, so patently conveyed over the quiet phone line._

_"_ He, uh, offered to do the dishes, and that shocked me somewhat."

_Loki felt his body press a little harder against the man, taking advantage of his height as he leaned in and gently licked Tony’s neck, resulting in a gasp, probably loud enough for Steve to hear._

"I… see…", _Steve’s voice finally replied, slightly higher pitched than before. "_ Do you… need to focus on dishes? Shall we continue the briefing at some other time?"

_Loki couldn’t decide if he detected hope or disappointment in that last question, and was suddenly amused at the thought of Steve Rogers being jealous, preposterous as that may be. His body lifted his mouth, which had slowly been trailing his tongue over Tony’s neck, placing light kisses, careful not to make a noise, to reply before Tony got a chance._

_"_ No, by all means, I don’t want to keep Tony from his duties. I can do the dishes while you talk strategies."

_He could see Tony bite his lip, and felt his body smile at that sight._

 

He was having so much fun. For a brief moment he wondered if pressing against Tony when he was so obviously aroused would make the man too uncomfortable, but the sight of Tony biting his lip had him decide to try his luck and push his hips slightly forward. He was rewarded by Tony’s hands each gripping the side of the counter just inside his own, firmly placed, effectively capturing the man. Steve’s voice, still with a slightly higher pitch than normal, hesitantly continued.

"Okay, uh… well… as I was saying, agent Romanov will be in charge as the operation goes into live mode."

Loki wasn’t listening, and he was intending to prevent Tony from doing so as well. He leaned back from kissing Tony’s neck, lifted a hand and took a gentle, but firm grip of the back of the man’s hair, which was just long enough to be able to do so. He then pulled slightly, making Tony’s head tilt sideways, baring the other side of his neck to him. He leaned back in, but instead of licking or kissing carefully he bit down, just hard enough so that there would be a mark that would last a day or two, but nowhere near as hard as he really wanted to. Tony failed to hold back another gasp, which had Steve halt mid sentence. Neither Tony nor Loki said anything to reassure him that they were still just doing dishes. The poor man carried on.

"So, er… yes. After she has rendered the defense harmless in ways of her own choice, she will sound the alarm, and the remainder of the troop – that’s you and I – will assist in clearing the area. Now, there are some important parts to remember."

At this Loki again stopped listening, and judging by Tony’s half closed eyes, and how he was struggling to keep his breathing under control, Steve would have to go through the important parts again before the mission. Loki kept his tongue busy at the space just below Tony’s ear, letting go of the man’s hair and slowly sliding his hand down, along the back, and then moving to find its way around Tony’s waist and, slowing down further, to the front of his pants. He smiled when he could feel an impressive bulge, assuring him that the man in his arms was reacting exactly the way he wanted him to. His hand pressed down gently, feeling the contours of Tony, and he pushed his own hips harder against him. Another gasp left Tony’s lips.

Steve paused again, somehow silently conveying even more obvious discomfort than before, as the gasp had been quite loud this time. And in that pause Loki mercilessly removed himself from Tony, took a step back and kept his voice calm as he addressed Steve.

"I’m tired of doing dishes now, I will leave you guys to discuss undisturbed. You might want to repeat the most important parts, Steve. Tony seems to have gotten quite wrapped up in what we were doing, he might not have caught it all. He overestimates what he can handle, you see."

Without waiting for a reply, or a reaction from Tony who was still standing, gripping the counter, forcing his breathing to remain controlled, Loki turned and left the room.

Thankfully he had noticed that there was a bathroom with a shower in connected to his bedroom. The various, possible continuations of this scenario would be explored there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Steve, caught in the sexy cross fire. Though it wasn't really cross fire, was it? More a one way (s)excecution. 
> 
> And as for the idea of Steve being jealous... I have actually toyed with the thought of Steve being unwittingly in love with Tony from the start, and that's why he gets so awkward around Loki and Tony. But that's up for interpretation - he could just as well merely be old fashioned.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	15. Inter-mission

_He felt frustrated and confused as his body stepped out of the shower, all dazed after how it had reacted to all the things imagined done to Tony Stark._

_His lesser self had hurried back to his chambers, locked himself in the bathroom and taken a long shower, during which he, with precise movements, had brought himself to orgasm. An orgasm that had, just like that first kiss shared with Tony, thrown his real self. Obviously he had given himself pleasure before – who hadn’t? – but the way his body was reacting to the small parts of truth in the images he was painting before his inner eye, all the while knowing that the object of the phantasy was nearby, undoubtedly trying to calm down from what Loki had started in him, was a sensation new to him._

_Loki had initially tried to distance himself from the whole situation, trying to ignore the way his breath was quickening, trying to disregard how nice it felt having the water cascading over his naked body as it was making its way, slow and steady, towards that familiar goal. But it had been difficult, feeling what the body was feeling, and hearing what the other was thinking, and so in the end he had felt himself getting worked up also. But as his body climaxed to an especially satisfying image of a willing Tony Stark, on his knees with Loki’s hands grabbing his hair, he realized that he had fallen behind. The moment his body had spilled over, the explicit thoughts vanished, replaced only by a pleased, meditative inner silence._

_Leaving Loki behind, panting, and in the inconvenient position of being physically satisfied, but mentally wanting more._

 

Loki strolled around the room, naked, as he was trying to figure out how to spend the rest of his day. His hair had almost dried, only spare water drops trailed down his back, and he shivered in delight, remembering how good it had felt to let his body finally act on all the reactions Tony caused in him. He also rejoiced at the fact, inexperienced in male intimacy as he had deemed Tony to be, the man was reacting quite well to his playful advances. He smiled as he replayed the gasps he had extracted from him in his head, and then decided to think of other things, as he could feel stirring in his loins. Instead he put on some of the clothes that had been provided, and left the room.

As he stepped into the living room, he saw Tony, frowning over a laptop. With a content smile Loki noted the still red bite mark on his neck. The man looked up as he sat down on the sofa, and glared at him.

"I had to try and convince Steve that you were splashing hot water around whilst doing the dishes. The man is naïve, but I’m not sure he’s THAT naïve. Thanks for that."

However, there was a hint of a smile on Tony’s face, and Loki was pleased to see that however embarrassing he might have found the situation, the part of him that had enjoyed it definitely won out.

"Afraid to tell the truth, huh?" Loki teased, confidently leaning back on the sofa, putting his hands behind his head as he smiled triumphantly at him. "That Tony Stark was being played like an instrument."

Tony gave a short laugh, and the smile had by now broken out completely.

"That’s hardly the truth, Bambi, and you know it!"

Loki kept his superior smile, but raised an eyebrow to show his disbelief.

"Oh but it is. The statement stands – you couldn’t handle me. This morning was just a taste, serving to prove it."

Tony pushed his laptop to one side and leant back in his chair, mirroring Loki’s confidence.

"What makes you so sure you’ve got the upper hand here?"

Now it was Loki’s turn to give a short laugh.

"Asks the man, from whose lips I’ve effortlessly drawn several involuntary gasps."

He arrogantly moved his gaze from Tony, instead choosing to look out the panoramic windows displaying the city, as he concluded.

"You’re an attractive man, Tony Stark, I believe you could feel my thoughts on exactly how attractive this morning. But you are not enough for me."

His gaze returned to the man, who was still smiling, but now in the way of an inventor, presented with a challenging puzzle he knew he could solve, but that would take time and effort. Loki let some mock pity shine through in his smile.

"I’m sorry if that upsets you."

Tony shook his head and was just about to reply when Jarvis, with his impeccable timing, announced yet another phone call.

 

_Loki groaned. He had, still frustratingly unsatisfied, unwillingly reacted instantly to the charged banter between his lesser self and Tony. And just as it looked like Tony was going rise to the unspoken challenge, the blasted director Fury called to order Tony out on the mission Steve had tried to brief him on during the morning’s tantalizing session. Fury also pointed out that however magicless, Loki should not be left alone, and that he had ordered Banner and Barton to sit tight in Tony’s tower, monitoring the god._

_"_ Barton?"  _Tony asked, obviously unimpressed by the choice. "_ Is that really the best idea you’ve come up with?"

_Fury disregarded the doubtful question with the simple fact that the remaining Avengers were needed on the field, and together Banner and Barton could monitor each other, as well as the god. Tony seemed to reluctantly accept this, and agreed to leave as soon as the two men turned up. Loki cursed him for not realizing that Barton would most probably take this opportunity to bring out the green beast, and throw Loki to him._

"Right then children, play nice!" came Tony’s parting words as he flew off in a metallic, red suit that had Loki baffled.

He stared after Tony, red shimmer reflecting from the sun, as he became smaller and smaller before disappearing completely. Had he only listened to Steve, instead of molesting Tony, he’d have known whereto they were going, and maybe also had an idea of how dangerous a mission it was.

A few moments after Tony had vanished from sight, and he was sure he wasn’t coming back then and there, he turned to face his company. Bruce smiled awkwardly at him and Clint was vehemently ignoring him.

Loki sighed. It was going to be a long day.

He turned to the man who at least acknowledged his existence.

"Want to listen to some music?"


	16. Bridging gaps

"That one was amazing!" Loki smiled, almost euphoric at the feeling the song left inside him. "Who was it?"

Bruce returned his smile, quite clearly very pleased that his taste in music was being so appreciated.

"Stina Nordenstam. The song is 'Little Star'."

"Please add it!"

Bruce nodded and pressed a button. Loki leant back against the sofa, feeling content. The two of them were sat on the living room floor, with one of Tony’s laptops between them. Loki had been told there was a near endless supply of music through one of the “programs” on there, and he was happy that Bruce had been there to help him navigate through them. And to make him a “play list”. Which was what had kept them busy for the past four hours.

Loki’s eyes fell on Barton, who had been sat with his back towards them the whole time, staring out the window. After the first half hour Loki had almost forgotten he was there.

"Should we get some pizza?" Bruce suddenly asked, and Loki took his eyes of the human statue in the corner.

"I’m not sure I know what that is."

Bruce smiled.

"Shame on Tony for not introducing you sooner. Jarvis, could you place an order? Same as we usually have, only half the amount, please."

"Of course, doctor Banner."

Suddenly Barton’s voice spoke up, which had both Loki and Bruce jump a little.

"If we’re having pizza I need beer."

"There are thirty seven chilled bottles in the fridge, mister Barton", Jarvis’ voice informed him. "Three different kinds of lager – Czech, Belgian and English, and an Irish stout. As well as two hundred and forty six bottles in stock, in storage room fifteen."

Barton turned around to face Loki and Bruce, who were both staring at him.

"Stout or lager?" he asked, ignoring their baffled expressions.

Bruce found his bearing slightly before Loki and replied first.

"Uh, stout please."

Barton nodded and turned to look at Loki, who was unsure of several things, and what beer to have was not what he would’ve chosen to work out first. Still he managed to produce an answer.

"Same for me please."

Barton nodded and left the room. Loki turned to look at Bruce, but the man only shrugged.

 

_Loki had been on edge since the two men had turned up. It had however appeared that if the agitation of the hulk was going to take place, Barton was biding his time. It was tiring to keep focus on the man, who had kept still in the corner of the room for hours on end. Even more tiring when his other self completely disregarded the danger and indulged in music instead. He tried to absurdly comfort himself that he wouldn’t be able to do anything if Barton did try to kill him anyway, but it was impossible to relax. So he had kept his mind on the archer. And when the man had finally spoken, and spoken of beer, Loki realized the man’s plan._

_Poison._

_As Barton returned with the bottles Loki tried to determine if he was holding one bottle separate from the others. It didn’t seem so, as his body reached out to grab the one held out for him, but he couldn’t be sure. Maybe the other two would just_ pretend _to drink. If he had any sense of self preservation he would at least wait until the other two had tasted their drinks._

_Nope, of course, no self preservation. Great._

_The bitter liquid ran down his throat, and he was sure it was poison he was tasting. His lesser self made a face after swallowing, and he spitefully thought that it served him right for being an idiot. But then he saw Banner and Barton both take deep swigs from their respective bottles, and he gained a small amount of hope that it was in fact just the beverage tasting foul._

Loki took another gulp from his bottle. It didn’t taste great, but it got better. And he wasn’t about to provoke Barton by refusing to drink what the man had brought him. He still wasn’t sure on how to act, as the man who had beaten him up just the day before was sat perched on the floor next to him. He was however calmed by the fact that Bruce was also there. The three of them sat in a slightly awkward silence, before Jarvis stepped in.

"Doctor Banner, the pizzas you have ordered are here."

Bruce hesitated somewhat, before getting up to go to the door, leaving Loki and Barton on their own. Loki could sense his body tensing up, but tried not to show it, opting for taking another deep gulp from the bottle. It was definitely getting better.

"I should apologize", Barton suddenly said, causing Loki to choke on his beer.

When he had coughed and regained his posture he turned to Barton with a question on his face.

"Natasha gave me some severe reprimands", Barton continued. "You are not the Loki that did those things to me. I wanted you to be, cause I have unfinished business with that guy."

Loki swallowed nervously, understanding that the portion of the unfinished business he had received was only the beginning of what the man had wanted to do to him.

"But it’s clear to me now that you are someone else entirely, and I feel bad for taking my anger out on you. I’m sorry."

Loki carefully smiled.

"It’s okay. I heal quite quickly, it seems. It’s the least I can do for my alter ego’s past crimes."

Barton looked at him.

"Don’t go trying to clear his debts, you have no idea how high they are."                                                         

Loki thought about it, then lifted his bottle to acknowledge the truth in Barton’s statement, and the man raised his bottle also, resulting in a silent toast. As they both drank, Banner returned, carrying several boxes which gave off the most appetizing smell.

"Another one, Loki?" Barton asked as he got up to replace his empty bottle, and Loki nodded.

 

_Six bottles later Loki was pretty sure there was no poison involved. Had there been though, the curious food Banner had presented him with would have served as a very acceptable last supper._

_Half way through the dinner Barton had taken control of the laptop, muttering something about being fed up with yoga music, to which Banner had only smiled calmly, and reached for another slice of pizza. Loki had found himself maneuvering an alcohol infused body from the floor, onto the sofa, swaying slightly as he did so. Banner had sat down on the other side, leaving Barton on the floor, engrossed in his music, sometimes calling out the name of the song that was playing and that he had added it to Loki’s play list. Loki was annoyed at this, as the strange noises – apparently known on Midgard as electronic music – did not go well with the mood of Banner’s songs. But of course his stupid self was too polite to object, and only thanked Barton whenever a new song was added._

_You could at least ask him to make a different play list!_

_But his body was too relaxed from all the beer, seemingly content with staring into the ceiling and having Barton completely ruin the work he and Banner had put in. His head then tilted sideways to look at Banner, who looked back over at him with the same calm smile as always, only perhaps slightly more unfocused._

"This is nice", _Loki’s voice pointed out._

_The real Loki sighed. The conversation was on this level now, was it? But Banner didn’t seem to mind._

"Yeah", _the man replied._ "It’s been a long while since I’ve been feeling this carefree. Most people are constantly on edge around me, for understandable reasons. But you, obviously having forgotten who I can be, are treating me quite indifferently to how you would any other person. It’s refreshing."

_Loki could feel questions form in his mind, but before his other self could say them out loud, the man had turned his gaze back onto the ceiling, seemingly enjoying Clint Barton’s hideous music taste. Loki looked at the man through the other’s eyes, until they also turned to stare at the ceiling._

_He found himself understanding the man with the monster inside him quite well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now yous will have to wait til Sunday for the next update, sorry!


	17. Anxiously awaited Avenger

"And then, ha ha, then Tony goes: ‘Come to join our happy family?’"

Loki’s story of the Special Song had had the two men in hysterics since he had played the first tunes of the track. Barton waved a hand at him through his attempts at drawing breath, signaling for him to stop, tears running. Banner just roared with laughter, almost monster like. Loki, having now told the whole story, could finally laugh uninhibitedly like the others, and did so, pressing his hands to his stomach in a futile attempt to stop the aching that had started around the middle of the story.

"Oh my god, I love that woman!" Clint exclaimed as he could finally speak. "That is most definitely the best act of revenge anyone has dished out for me, ever!"

Loki smiled, and was almost pleased at the laughter dying down, as his stomach hurt almost as bad as when Barton had kicked it – though admittedly this time in a good way.

"I’m starting to think I should let Steve know we’re messing with him though…"

"NO!" came the unison reply from the two men, which only prompted another round of laughter.

"Good", Loki stated, after once again having calmed down. "I was only saying that to be polite, anyway."

 

_Loki had almost enjoyed himself as much as his lesser self._

_At first he hadn’t quite dared take Barton seriously as the man had apologized to him, and when Banner had rolled around in the worst fits of hysterics he’d been sure there’d been a tint of green to him. But maybe he had been imagining it._

_The three of them were now sat, still chuckling occasionally at the thought of Steve’s red cheeks, and he found that he had had more fun during this day than any day that he could remember for the past decades. And the fact that he had feared for his life through some of it didn’t even matter._

_He found himself looking at the sky, having turned dark, as his face was turned to the window. Suddenly a thought appeared, and he wasn’t sure who had it first._

_Tony?_

_His body voiced it, since it could._

_"_ Shouldn’t Tony be back by now?"

_Barton and Banner both shrugged, obviously more convinced of their Avenger colleagues’ abilities than he was._

_"_ They’ll be back some time tonight, no doubt", _Barton not very reassuringly replied._  "Wanna watch a film?"

_Loki could feel his body nodding, and how it tried to shake the unwanted feeling of worry, which he himself also disliked. And further more despised._

_Worrying meant caring. And caring meant weakness._

_If only Tony could return his shiny, metal ass so that he could go back to not worrying, ergo not caring._

_Ergo not feeling weak._

If the film was good or not, Loki really couldn’t tell. He pretended to watch it, and laughed when Barton and Bruce did, but all that was going through his mind was Tony. What he would do if something had happened to Tony. What he would do if he didn’t come back.

He was not fond of the feeling of worry, but acknowledged that it was unavoidable, as he had come to care for Tony Stark. However, if the man was going to remain in his life – which he hoped he would – and keep going on missions, Loki would have to either start going with him, or work seriously hard on trusting Tony’s abilities.

He cursed himself again for not having listened to Steve, and forced the horrible possibility that he’d stopped Tony from listening to information that might save his life far away from his mind. Surely Steve wouldn’t have let him go on a mission uninformed? Surely…

"Have you missed me, children?" Tony’s voice was suddenly heard through the room and Loki couldn’t stop himself from turning around as fast as absolutely possible to see if it were really him.

Sure enough, he was standing in the doorway, obviously having entered the building from an angle Loki hadn’t seen, as he had discretely kept monitoring the skies outside the windows in all directions he could from the sofa. He had also changed from the iron suit. Loki fought to keep the smile from beaming too brightly as Tony casually strolled into the room and sat down in one of the armchairs.

"I see you found my beer stash, _thanks Jarvis"_ , he stated as he looked out over the several empty bottles on the table and on the floor. "What’re you watching?"

"Jaws", Barton replied and took his eyes off the screen for a moment to look at Tony. "Nice scarf."

Loki saw Tony’s cheeks turn a small shade pinker, as he rearranged the piece of clothing around his neck, effectively hiding a certain mark Loki could remember only too well.

"It’s quite cold in Bulgaria’s southern regions actually, you wouldn’t think it", Tony argued before feigning a small cough. "I hope I don’t come down with something."

Barton kept his gaze on him for a few seconds before returning it to the screen and Tony shot Loki an angry glare. But Loki only smiled back. He had returned, safe and sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh! A small update after all - guess my hangover from last night didn't knock me out quite as bad as I expected it would.  
> Hope you enjoyed it, even though it was a short'un!


	18. Dancing to different tunes

Barton and Banner upped and left almost as soon as the film came to an end, for which Loki was grateful. It had been great hanging out with them, not least as Barton and he seemed to have overcome their past troubles, but he had looked forward to being alone with Tony again. And not necessarily just to pursue seductive intentions, but because Tony had been the person who he’d come to see as a constant in this new life of his. When knowing no one, the tendency to latch on to whoever first came along was greater, he knew that. But Tony hadn’t seemed to mind.

Loki looked at the man, deep in thought and absentmindedly drinking from a bottle he’d gotten himself after seeing the other two men out. He’d offered to bring him one, but Loki had politely declined, still feeling the effects from the ones he’d already consumed. He noticed a distinct difference in Tony as soon as the others had left, like a façade having been dropped, as the man before him was now silently staring into the carpet by his feet.

"What are you thinking?" Loki almost whispered, but his question still had the man jump a little before sending him a small smile.

"Oh, sorry, miles away. Um, no nice thoughts I’m afraid. What we saw today doesn’t make for nice thoughts."

Loki tried to think of something to say, but found himself at a loss, and let the silence be.

 

_Loki was desperate to find a way to get his other self back in the mood he had so often dived straight into before, whenever Tony was around, as his frustration from the morning had still not been dealt with. He had thought he’d gotten over it, but the beers that the body had decided to ingest coupled with the fact that Tony had changed from his iron suit into a quite tight fitting top, and was sat not far from him, taking clearly seductive swigs from a beer bottle, had reminded him of that itch that still needed scratching, badly._

_But as if the universe knew of this, and had decided that his punishment needed to be even more severe than it already was, his lesser self seemed to harbor no such thoughts. Only a caring worry fleeted through the menial mind, which was almost enough to bring Loki out of his mood._

_But not quite._

_Focusing intensely on his fingertips, as that was where the longing feeling had started before, he tried to conjure up the memory of Tony’s skin and think of it hard enough to actually make his fingers itch from it. Every part of his once so powerful mind was remembering the smooth touch, and the way speeded heart beats had trembled against them. All of him that was left in his control, was aimed at this one, single goal._

He was suddenly overcome by an urge to touch Tony. To soothe him, as he could see the troubled thoughts etched onto the man’s features. Carefully, he chose his words, aware that he was treading a fine line.

"You know how I owe you for breakfast?" he asked silently but very matter of factly, and with no luring undertones.

Tony smiled a tired smile, but didn’t raise his gaze from the floor before him.

"Yeah?"

"Would you come sit on the floor before me, with your back to me?"

Tony turned towards him, looking like he was debating giving a cheeky reply, but then almost wearily decided against it. Loki held his breath.

After a few heart beats Tony got up and walked over, quietly setting himself down on the floor between Loki’s legs. For a moment Loki just stared at the back of his head, overcome by a sudden shyness. Then he braced himself and went to carefully remove the scarf, still hiding his past exploits. Tony didn’t seem to mind, and Loki folded it up and put it next to him. He then gently placed his fingers against the man’s neck, shivering slightly at the delight he felt at the now almost familiar touch, and carefully started moving them in small circles.

After a while he could feel Tony relaxing into his movements, and he pressed down a little harder on the areas where he could feel tension in the muscles. He was apparently good at this, he thought to himself, as Tony was giving off sighs of comfort. Fascinated, he searched his insides, but found no building heat at the intimate touch, just a fond warmth towards the man on the floor, and contentment over the fact that he could help ease a bit of his tension, however little.

 

_Oh gods, just push him over and take him! He wouldn’t have come sit between our legs if he didn’t want it!_

_Loki was now even more desperate. The joy over that his focus on the fingertips had paid off had known no bounds as he heard himself beckon Tony to come place himself behind his legs, although the fact that his body asked him to sit with his face the other way seemed somewhat contra productive. But his building bubble of heated hope burst soon enough, as his meager self only intended to give the down beaten man a massage._

_And so he was stuck with the object of his recently and only barely accepted desire, obediently placed where he could feel him pressed against the inside of his thighs. Tony’s smell, which he had now come to very much appreciate, coupled with the fact that his sensitive fingers were rubbing the man’s neck and shoulders, was torture. And the little sighs nearly tipped him over the edge._

_Grab his hair and make him turn around! The way he was treating that beer bottle goes to show that he can be no stranger to having something pushed into his mouth! He obviously wants it!_

_But no matter how many scenarios Loki tried to win his lesser self over with, the frigid body just sat there, content with the innocent massage. After a long while Tony’s head was tilting forward as he was obviously falling asleep. Loki felt his body lean forward._

_Yes, he won’t have the energy to fight back now, make your move!_

"Tony", _he heard himself whisper into the man’s ear._ "You should probably go to bed."

_Tony jerked his head up a little, disoriented at first, but then glanced at him._

"Mm, okay. Are you fishing for an invite?"

_Yes! YES! Bed him!_

_But his useless body only smiled and leaned back as Tony got onto his feet._

"You seem to need sleep. I’m not sure an accepted invite would lead to that. Besides, I’ve got to repair the damage Barton did to my playlist."

_Loki could only look on as Tony smiled and shrugged, before leaving the room. He never knew one could hate a man’s music taste as intensely as this._


	19. Anti climax

_Loki woke up, as per usual, before his stupid body._

_His mind had played him scenario after scenario in his sleep – Tony with his hands tied behind his back, Tony with his hands tied in front of him, Tony strung up with his arms tied above his head – and the dreams had finally brought him some release._

_Still, he was annoyed when he woke, jealous of the fantastic orgasm his lesser self had previously enjoyed, as his had been pitiful in comparison. It was very unfair. But at least now he would be able to go back to focusing on…_

_Well, on what, really?_

_There had be no sign of Thor, something that up until recently would have counted as a good thing, but now only meant that he would be stuck, helpless, within himself for longer. He could enjoy the music that his lesser self chose to listen to – luckily they seemed to have the same taste – and laugh at the jokes played on Steve Rogers, but if that was to be his whole life he wasn’t sure how long he would keep his sanity. If he could only gain a little bit of control over his body and lesser mind the situation would be a lot more endurable. He started urging his sleeping self to wake up, if only to have something to do._

_It took half an hour, but finally the other started moving their limbs. Loki tried to disregard the smell of the blasted beans on toast that had gradually grown stronger and decided to see it as a victory._

As Loki stepped into the kitchen he was happy to see Tony seemingly being back to his usual self.

"Bambi!" the man exclaimed as he noticed his arrival. "Welcome! If making you breakfast gets me more massages I will happily devote my life to cooking! I have not slept this well in years!"

"You wouldn’t believe the other things I could do to you that would make you sleep soundly afterwards", Loki smiled and sat down.

Tony placed a plate before him but didn’t move back after having let go of it, but rather stayed close, almost leaning in over Loki.

"You talk the talk, Rudolph, though you don’t seem to walk no walk."

Loki waved his hand to make the man move out of his way.

"I’ve told you, you couldn’t handle it. Now let me eat and maybe there will be a massage in it for you later."

Tony defiantly stood his ground a little longer, but stepped back when Loki grabbed the fork next to his plate. He started eating, careful to keep his face neutral even though a huge grin was dying to break out on it. He pondered upon which would be the best strategy for his next step, but didn’t get a chance to make a decision before Jarvis – the dreaded mood killer – once again spoke up.

"Sir", director Fury has requested your presence in SHIELD head quarters. "Quote, ‘at once’, end quote."

Tony groaned loudly in despair. Jarvis continued, undeterred.

"He also instructed me to point out to you that he’s had his briefings with captain Rogers and agent Romanov before yours, so that it would not be so early in the morning for you, which would leave you with no reason to complain."

Tony glared at the ceiling, seemingly holding Jarvis responsible for Fury’s plans.

"And what about Reindeer Games here, who’s gonna look after him?"

"Steve Rogers is on his way, sir", came the reply, almost chirpy.

 

Indeed, Steve Rogers did report for duty. As he stepped into the kitchen where Tony was doing the dishes after breakfast Loki smiled brightly at him.

"I’m not allowed near hot water any more", he informed Steve when the confused man took in Tony’s actions.

"Right, I’m gonna shoot off then", Tony stated, drying his hands off on a kitchen towel.

Loki turned to look at him, and noted that the red mark was still showing slightly on his neck, although if one didn’t know it was there, one would probably miss it.

"Don’t forget your scarf", Loki helpfully reminded him whilst pointing to his own neck, corresponding to where the mark was placed on Tony.

Tony’s hand flew up to cover it, but obviously not quick enough as Steve was once again turning pink.

" _Thanks_ ", Tony offered with a glare before rushing out of the kitchen.

"No problem, dear", Loki called after him before looking at Steve with an innocent smile. "So what should _we_ do today?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooh, double Sunday update!
> 
> Also:  
> Doesn't Stark Tower have a dish washer?  
> Probably. But since it's more work filling and emptying those things than it is to quickly wash two plates and a pan, I figured Tony does it by hand.   
> That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.


	20. Captain's log

_It had taken his lesser self some time to coax Steve Rogers to come sit down next to him on the sofa in the living room, and when he finally succeeded the man looked very uncomfortable._

_Loki was suddenly struck by the possibility of his lesser self deciding to try and seduce this man also, and wasn’t quite sure what he thought of that idea. Rogers obviously had his good sides – his tall, blonde American poster boy exterior for one – but his innocence and squeaky clean-ness was very off putting. Then again, there was a certain appeal to marring perfection. Loki tried to picture the man on his knees, with his hands tied behind his back – a favorite position of his – and decided that if that image were to come true he wouldn’t be heart broken. For a short moment he also acknowledged the fact that he had been thinking a lot more about sex for the past few days than in a long time, but reasoned it must be because there wasn’t much else to think about._

_Besides, his lesser self had started it._

Loki was debating with himself if he should put the man out of his misery or play with him a bit longer. Steve was being very fidgety, and stuttered to almost any Tony related question he asked, and Loki realized he was not enjoying the game anymore. He was just not the type of person that reveled in kicking puppies. Though neither was he the type of person who let go of a good joke, so he settled for middle ground and decided to change the subject onto something that would make Steve relax.

"So, how long have you worked with these guys?"

Steve looked at him with a certain suspiciousness, which was fair enough as most questions up until now had revolved around something that could be turned into an innuendo. Which they had also all been.

"About a year", he finally replied. "Though Fury approached me as soon as I had been found two years ago, but I wasn’t ready then."

Loki looked questioningly on him, and Steve hurried to explain.

"When I awoke from my accident and found myself in the 21st century."

Loki’s questioning frown deepened and Steve actually gave him a kind smile.

"Jeez, you really don’t remember anything, do you?"

He then proceeded to tell the full story of his past life, which had Loki hanging on every word.

 

_Loki was almost as amazed as his lesser self at the man’s story, even though he had gathered some details of it before. Midgardians knew nothing of magic, but what Steve Rogers had been subjected to, that had altered his body and kept him alive all those decades in the ice, must be a close second. He looked at the man, seeing a new depth to him._

_He’s like me, he almost poetically mused. Lived his life, perfectly happy and in his right place in the universe. Then ice and snow came, and when he was brought out on the other side, he was lost._

_Loki, you are being pathetic. Stop it._

_But he couldn’t help himself feeling a little connected to the man, stuck in a world where he didn’t really belong any more._

Loki stared at Steve as he finished his story. Now he actually did feel bad for having made such fun of the man.

He could very much sympathize with his situation, waking up completely lost in an unknown world. But Loki had been lucky enough to wake up in Tony’s bed, and the man had pretty much looked out for him since. Maybe that was why he was dealing so well with the memory loss, since he didn’t miss what he might have had before, as the present was pretty enjoyable.

Who had looked after Steve, and made him happy about his place in the world?

"I don’t know what to say", Loki stated after the silence had gone on for a bit.

Steve smiled, but Loki could see it had that familiar sadness to it.

"No need to say anything, Loki. It is what it is."

"But…" Loki tried to find some words of comfort nonetheless. "What about your friends?"

Steve shone up a little.

"Oh, they’re great! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy here! I’m just a little lost, at times. Which is why I’m quite intrigued by how well you seem to handle your situation. You don’t even remember where you’re from!"

Loki cocked his head a little as he thought about what Steve had said.

"Well, maybe that’s a good thing?" he offered. "And also, the fact that Tony’s been so good to me has helped."

Steve seemed to get a bit of his discomfort back. But then he looked straight at Loki.

"Are you guys actually…?"

Loki waited. Steve would have to say the word, as he wasn’t sure on what level Steve imagined their involvement with each other, and he was curious.

"… together?" Steve finally settled on, and it seemed like the word had been quite a difficult one to utter.

Loki smiled.

"No, we’re not together. He’s been looking after me. I’ve been teasing him, cause I can and I enjoy that sort of thing, but I’m not very sure it will amount to much more than that."

Loki was surprised at his own honesty, but realized that he had felt too sorry for the man after what Steve had told him. And when Steve looked relieved at his admission, he was convinced that he had done the right thing to tell him, as the man obviously felt comforted from knowing the details.

"I envy you actually", Steve then admitted, which had Loki get that questioning look on his face again. "It’s probably one of those things that have changed over time, but where I’m from – or maybe rather, WHEN I’m from, flirting wasn’t so relaxed and out in the open. I keep wondering if it’s healthier to live like people do today, or if the world was better when things were more… discrete? Either way, it must be nice to be able to act on your every desire, or to voice your will as freely as you and Tony do."

"I’m not so sure we do", Loki objected.

"More so that I do though", Steve insisted.

Loki looked at the man, trying to work him out. What was he after?

"Since I don’t know your desires, I can’t tell if that’s true", he pointed out.

Steve opened his mouth to speak, but then hesitated. And just as he seemed to have found his momentum Tony stepped into the room, loudly announcing his return.

"You can stop missing me guys, I’m back amongst you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh Tony, you're as bad as Jarvis!


	21. Reevalutations and revelations

_Steve had stayed for lunch, and Loki was disappointed at several things. For one, he didn’t get to find out the man’s secret desires, as Tony’s untimely return had made him change the subject and purposely avoid it for the rest of his visit. But much more annoying was the fact that the lunch passed nicely with none of the previous jokes on Steve’s expense, as his lesser self now obviously felt a connection to the man and didn’t seem to want to make him uncomfortable._

_But the most annoying part of all was that he sympathized with that decision._

_Self exploring, he went through the Avengers in his head._

_Natasha Romanov had already been someone he admired somewhat, and after getting to know her better he now found that if and when he would have his powers returned to him, she would no longer be on the death list. She had provided him with too much fun. And not to mention, set Barton straight._

_Which was the second person who had been crossed out from the list, as the man had proven himself to be quite a decent guy, facing up to having wrongfully beaten his body up. Given the chance, Loki would still have to get back at him somewhat for messing up his playlist. But then again, maybe they could call it even._

_The thought of playlists then had him think of Bruce Banner, the gentle monster. The man was an enigma – how could someone with all that violent chaos inside of him be so calm and caring? As long as the man remained that way Loki would not have any reason to kill him. If he turned green though, it’d be a different matter altogether._

_Steve Rogers was the next person he had to accept having reevaluated. The man had been courteous and polite to him almost from the very start, and not even his lesser self’s constant provocations had made him treat Loki badly. There was no way Steve could rightfully remain on the list of death._

_Which left Tony, who in the first couple of days had raked up so many death sentences through his ordering Loki around he had failed to keep count. But then the man had proven to be a source of support, not refraining from hugging his past enemy tight as his body had suffered panic, or sitting by his bedside when he had been beaten up. Tony had provided him with food and shelter, helping his lesser self in his vulnerable situation._

_Not to mention the kisses._

_So now, what felt like a life time after the fall of his sentence, but was only really a few days, Tony Stark had made it onto another list, one infinitely shorter than his death list, which had always been his longest. The list over people he cared for. The one constant on that list was Frigga, who in his mind still counted close to a mother, other names had been crossed out and sometimes returned, only to be taken off again._

_And now Tony was on it. Loki’s body was looking at the man sat across from him at the table, and when Tony noticed this he flashed him a quick smile before returning his gaze to Steve, who was talking about some old war memory. Only a few days ago he would have never believed it, but now he actually found himself hoping it would be a name that would stay on that list._

After the long lunch Steve had decided to leave, and as Loki and Tony saw him out he looked sincerely at Loki.

"Thank you for before, I really enjoyed it."

Loki felt an overwhelming feeling of care for the man and didn’t even try to stop himself from giving him a hug, which at first had Steve stiffen considerably, but after a little while he returned it, albeit a little shyly. When Loki released him and stepped back he saw Tony sporting a perplexed look on his face, but he ignored it and waved at Steve as the man stepped into the lift.

"What the hell did you guys get up to?" Tony asked as soon as the lift doors had closed, and Loki thought he could detect a little edge of jealousy in his voice, even though the man obviously tried to hide it.

"Oh nothing special", he replied lightly and started walking back into the living room. "Steve told me about himself and then we talked about our wants and desires."

He sat down on the sofa but Tony, who had followed him into the room, remained standing.

"So you dismiss me as unable to handle you, but sit and talk about your inner feelings with a frigid guy from the 1930’s?" Tony said, slightly more jealousy seeping through now.

Loki looked at him before answering, trying to assess how hard to push on this particular button. A little harder, he decided.

"Steve is not as frigid as one might think. There’s a lot going on under that beautiful exterior."

"Yeah right", Tony snorted condescendingly.

"Oh, there is", Loki persisted with a small, knowing smile.

Tony raised his hands dismissingly.

"Whatever. If that’s your type, go for it."

Loki’s smile widened as he leaned back in the sofa, eyes locked on the indignant man in the middle of the room.

"I never said he was my type."

Tony eyed him suspiciously and Loki continued.

"I can’t imagine Steve Rogers obediently following my command to come sit between my legs. Can you?"

The suspicion melted away and instead a small smile was lingering in the corner of Tony’s mouth at the thought.

"Not really, no."

Loki stretched his arms out on either side of him on top of the backrest of the sofa and moved his feet apart on the floor, resulting in his legs parting a little.

"And for someone to be my type, the first thing they would have to be able to do is follow my command. Do you follow?"

Even from the distance Loki could make out the dilation of Tony’s pupils. The man nodded.

"Then come sit between my legs."

_Loki could see the man swallow nervously, but then make his way over to where he was sat._

_Was it finally going to happen?_

_Loki could feel the excitement raving through his body, already having him press hard against the inside of his pants. It was an excitement he fully shared. Tony kneeled down between his legs, facing him. His eyes stared into his, and for a moment Loki wondered if his own eyes were as dark and wanting as the other man’s._

"Good boy", _his voice offered._ "Now unbutton these pants."

_If Tony was still nervous it didn’t show, as his hands started undoing the buttons in the jeans he was wearing, with surprising ease. But then again, it was his own pants that Loki was wearing, so maybe the familiarity of them helped guide his fingers. Loki moaned as he could feel himself aching to be freed. When Tony had undone all the buttons his body lifted an arm from the side of the sofa and maneuvered himself so that his cock was now freed from the restraints. Tony’s breathing had markedly quickened as he looked at Loki’s full length before him._

"Wet your lips."

_Loki saw the man do as he was told and the sight was divine. But not as divine as what came next._

"Let’s see if you can handle this then", _his voice challenged, purposely with a heavy tone of disbelief to it._

_Which did the trick._

Loki could see Tony glancing up at him with a small, insubordinate grin before leaning forward and placing his lips around the tip of his cock. This time it was Loki that could not withhold a gasp, which only served to encourage the man, and he pushed forward, taking more of Loki into his mouth. He stared in disbelief at the man at his feet, as he uninhibitedly took almost his entire length. Loki then let his head fall back against the back rest and closed his eyes as Tony slowly moved his head away from him, letting Loki’s cock slide almost completely out of his mouth, before pushing forward, taking it all again. Only to repeat the movement, again and again, a fraction faster every time.

"Oh gods", Loki moaned as Tony was beginning to find a perfect rhythm, pressing his lips harder around his shaft in all the right places. "I should have had you on your knees the moment I saw you."

He could then feel Tony’s tongue swirling around the top of his cock, and he realized that it wouldn’t be long before he would reach the destination towards which Tony was so effortlessly coaxing him.

"I should warn you", he panted, with a strain on his voice from holding back as the mere thought of what he was warning Tony of was almost enough to push him over. "If you don’t stop I’m going to…"

At this Tony merely pushed himself even further onto his cock, and Loki grabbed the back of his hair with one hand as he started pushing his hips up to meet him.

"Oh, Tony!" he gasped as he was edging painfully near, and then with a final push he felt himself fall apart as he came deep into Tony’s mouth, locked tightly around him, as Loki held his head in place.

He then let go of Tony’s hair, dazed, and looked down at the man by his feet, who wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, sporting a proud grin.

"How’s that for handling you?"

Loki was just about to reply as a huge gust of wind flew through the living room. And then there stood Thor.


	22. Different discomforts

Loki quickly adjusted himself and buttoned his pants back up as Tony scrambled to get out from between his legs and off the floor, but it was still painfully obvious what had just taken place between them. Thor’s face said it all, as he was staring, mouth open, at Loki, who after having gotten his clothing in order, decided to act as normal as he could, smiling back at him.

"Brother! Nice of you to drop by!"

His words had no effect, so Loki glanced over at Tony, who had put as much distance he could without leaving the room between himself and both Loki and Thor, and was now lingering in the far corner, rearranging little pieces of furniture, red faced and avoiding eye contact. Thor also shifted his gaze from Loki and stared at the other man, at that moment intensely busy trying to decide if a potted plant looked better to the right of a framed photo of himself, or to the left.

"Stark!" Thor’s voice boomed which had Tony turn instantly, with panicky eyes and the plant in his hands. "I… I must apologize for not having announced my arrival! I obviously interrupted… something."

Tony took a few steps towards him, raising his hands apologetically, and as he was still holding the plant it resulted in him waving it at Thor.

"No! No need to apologize!" he stuttered.

"We were finished", Loki couldn’t help himself but filling in, which had Tony glare at him and Thor cough uncomfortably.

Loki disregarded their reactions and continued.

"Well, I was. I suppose I owe Tony some…-"

"RIGHT!" Tony interrupted, voice a 50/50 split between anger and nervousness. "I’m sure your body builder brother has actually turned up for a reason, right Thor? Buddy?"

Thor seemed as eager as Tony to get away from the subject, and he pointed appreciatively with his whole arm at Tony to confirm that he was correct.

"Yes! I come bearing news!"

 

_Loki’s grin froze at those words._

_He’d been laughing since the startled look broke out on Thor’s face at Tony Stark between his legs. The thunder god could not have turned up at a better time. Well maybe a split second earlier, when a grinning Tony had been wiping his mouth, obviously having enjoyed what Loki had done to him. That had been a sight that Loki would return to. And the image of Thor, in chock, would also be replayed, although for other reasons entirely. Thor knew of Loki’s sexual preferences – anything that enticed him, regardless of gender – but the look on his “brother’s” face made it clear that Tony Stark had never been someone even remotely considered to fall into this category. Loki’s constant want for provocation was sated for the day._

_But now he was reminded of why Thor had actually turned up. He must have spoken to Odin._

_He felt his body tense up a little, but not nearly as much as he himself would have done at the thought. He heard Thor ask Tony to come sit down, and saw the man warily do as told, pointedly choosing a chair instead of the sofa next to Loki. Thor also sat down, in another chair, and gave a sigh. Loki would have held his breath, had he been able, as Thor began telling them of his meeting with the Allfather._

"I have had an audience with father", Thor commenced and Loki tried to calm the worry that started growing inside of him. "He has told me of the extent of your punishment, Loki, and although he first ordered me not to utter the details of it to anyone, including yourself, I am happy to say that after many hours of debate he succumbed to my pleas. He agreed to me telling you of what it is that he has done to you, and also agreed further to what I will also shortly share. I have no doubt that our mother’s influence has also aided this decision."

Loki frowned, and glanced at Tony, who was still sitting with the potted plant, forgotten in his hands. Thor carried on.

"The magic that he wielded on you on the day of the punishment served to rid you of all the memories that have during your life time been affected by me, by Odin himself, or by anyone else somehow connected to us, that you had come to so fervently hate. You are still _you_ , only cleansed of our influence."

 

_Loki refused to believe it. This meek creature was supposed to be HIM? Never!_

_Admittedly, lately he had found himself agreeing on a lot of the choices his lesser self had decided to make – seducing Tony being only one of them – but to go so far as to say that they were in fact the same? He would not have it. Thor had been fed lies._

Loki found himself momentarily being relieved at what Thor told him – he was his true self, really – but was then instantly shook by another realization. If the horrible person he had been before had been molded by the people he grew up with, by Thor who he had already come to appreciate for one, then what had they done to him?

Thor was about to continue but Loki raised his hand to make him pause.

"Why did I hate you so much, brother?"

Thor smiled sadly.

"I could not rightly say", he answered. "I am aware that my behavior growing up sometimes riled you, and that the way you found out about your adoption was not pleasant, but I swear to you, I have never wanted for you to be anyone else than the person you are. I have loved you always, as if you were indeed my blood brother. And I always will."

Loki could feel his eyes almost tearing at the heartfelt words, but was further puzzled. How could someone as kind as Thor have made him into a person that all the people he had come to care for in this world hated so?

Thor continued.

"I am sure Odin will be able to give you a better answer. Which brings me to my other message. Odin has agreed to meet with you, and for you to possibly have your memory returned to you."

Loki stared at Thor for a moment, before looking over at Tony. His heart fell at the shadow of fear he saw across the man’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor's taking it rather well, don't you think?
> 
> Though I'm not so sure he would've handled it as well, had he turned up to find his baby brother on his knees...
> 
>  
> 
> If I have time I'll put another update up later today.


	23. Locked away

Loki turned to Thor, who looked at him with an encouraging smile, but didn’t return it.

"When is this to happen?" he asked, and Thor’s smile fell at his solemn tone of voice.

"As soon as possible. What be the matter?"

Loki glanced at Tony again as the man, having noticed the plant in his hand, got up to return it to its place. He couldn’t make eye contact with him, so he looked back at Thor, and felt forced to give him a reassuring smile.

"Nothing is wrong, dear brother. I’m grateful for all your work at convincing… father to meet with me."

Calling Odin father felt odd, but Thor didn’t seem to notice his hesitation, and Loki continued.

"It’s just all so sudden. Can I maybe think about it for a day?"

Thor blinked, surprised.

"Of course, if you need to."

Loki again looked at Tony, who had stayed standing by the shelf with the plant, turning its leaves over in his hand, trying to look like he was not listening in on the conversation. Loki turned to Thor once more.

"Brother, forgive me, but would you leave us?"

Thor looked at Tony, then back at Loki and nodded.

"Certainly. I will come for you tomorrow."

He stood, paused for a second and then added:

"About the same time as today."

Loki smiled appreciatively at him, and then a gust of wind had his brother vanish before his eyes.

 

_If Loki had been subjected to highs and lows before, it was nothing like the past moments._

_Finding out that his life might be returned to him, even though the chances were surely slim, had him feel a hope growing that he had hardly known he had harbored._

_But his body’s reaction to seeing Tony’s fear of the concept had terrified him. His lesser self had not at all seemed pleased at the idea, and when he had heard himself say that he would think about it for a day, a horrid realization dawned on him. What if Odin offered him his memory back, and his other self turned it down? Wouldn’t that be the perfect punishment, doomed to forever exist within a body that had used to be his but was now out of his control – and to have the sentence ultimately fall from his own hand?!_

_In that moment he knew what it felt like to fear himself._

Loki sat silent as the wind after Thor’s departure died down, waiting for Tony to turn and speak to him. The silence dragged on a good while after the air in the room was still once more, but finally he did.

"So, great news for you, huh Bambi?" Tony smiled with a forced joyfulness that had Loki wince a little. "Thor’s a great guy! I believe I told you so!"

"Come sit with me, would you?" Loki asked, softly.

"I might not be comfortable following your commands for that much longer you know", Tony joked as he walked over and sat down on the couch.

Loki knew how much lied behind the words and he looked sincerely at the man, who was trying to seem unfazed by what they had just found out.

"What would you do if I got my memory back?"

Tony shrugged and moved around a little in his seat, as he was obviously uncomfortable by the question.

"What would I do? Well, it kinda depends. Last time you and I were alone together with memories all intact, you threw me out a window. So I guess I would hang out on the lower floors a great deal. Hey, you know what we haven’t had in ages? Vodka! Should we have some to celebrate Thor’s marvelous news?"

He made a move to get up, but Loki reached out and gripped his wrists, holding him in place. Tony sank back down, doing nothing to free himself, but rather just looked at Loki’s hands, capturing him.

"See Bambi, if that had been the old you, I would’ve thought you were trying to kill me just then."

Loki’s heart ached at the words, and not knowing what to say he kept a firm hold of Tony’s wrists and pulled him closer, into a desperate kiss.

When their lips parted Loki leant his forehead against Tony’s, looking deep into his eyes.

"If the old me could harm you, I don’t want to remember anything."

 

_At hearing himself say those words, effectively condemning him to an eternity as a hidden prisoner, Loki felt the now very faint flicker of hope get wiped out completely._

_Only Odin could know his true mind still existed, and if he did, the Allfather had obviously kept that piece of information to himself. Everyone would think this new Loki was all there was to him, and the only proof of the old Loki ever having existed would be if anyone decided to talk about how hated he used to be, whilst congratulating this new him on how nice and well mannered he was._

_Never knowing that his true self was locked inside, forever doomed to look on, while yet another person outdid him so utterly._

_Loki felt the familiar feeling of worthlessness wash over him. But this time it was not Thor who had out bettered him. No, it was far worse, a much greater insult, and something that hurt infinitely more. A version of himself, only ridded of some memories, was apparently a person who could befriend all of the Avengers, make amends with his brother, and have Tony Stark practically fall in love with him._

_As he looked through the other’s eyes into Tony’s, and saw the pain the man felt at the fear of losing him, he screamed._

_If he and I are the same, you love me also!_

_It hurt seeing Tony be so afraid of having the real him back. Loki found himself echoing words he had manically repeated so many times in his past, never getting a response._

_Why does nobody want_ me _?_


	24. Debt collector

Loki let go of Tony’s wrists as he leant back from the intimate gaze.

"I’ll just tell Odin that I don’t want to remember anything", he stated.

"Are you sure about this?" Tony asked. "It’s a fairly big decision to make so easily."

Loki shook his head.

"It’s not that big. Thor already said that I am the same person as before, only without some memories. Whoever I was before is still here, but I’ve been given the chance to start over, and gain people’s trust again."

Tony frowned a little, and Loki pressed on.

"Imagine what Barton would do if I went back to being the old me."

"He would kill you", Tony agreed. "And that would be bad."

"Right!" Loki smiled, pleased that he was making sense not only to himself. "Whereas now, he has if not forgiven me, then at least agreed that I am not the person that did those things to him! I like him, I like all of you, and I don’t want to lose you so soon after having gotten to know you."

Tony’s frown eased off, only to then return again.

"But if you were to remember, you wouldn’t be saying that", he pointed out. "In fact, you wouldn’t just want to lose us, you would most definitely want to kill us."

Loki moved closer to him.

"Then let’s not make me remember. I am me, _I am Loki_ , Thor said so! What I feel is real, so trust me when I say that I do not want to lose you."

Tony smiled.

"Good. Cause believe it or not, I’ve taken quite a shine to you too."

Loki smiled, and raised an eyebrow.

"Really? When did this happen?"

Tony leaned back on the sofa, arrogantly shrugging.

"Oh, I’m not sure. You’ve always been hot, even when you were crazy and evil. But somewhere along the line of you owing me for all the things I’ve done for you lately, I came to really appreciate that thought."

Loki got up from the couch and walked over to where he knew the vodka was kept.

"You keep track of that do you? Tell me, Tony Stark, exactly how deep in debt to you am I?"

Tony smiled, obviously pleased that Loki had decided to play along.

"Well, let’s see. There are a few nights’ rent to start with… As many breakfasts, although one of them was paid for with a very well executed massage – well done there, I’ll deduct that."

Loki made a humble little bow of appreciation, before he went to pour two glasses of vodka. Tony watched his movements as he carried on.

"I’ve graciously provided you with clothing, which looks surprisingly good on that body of yours by the way. And I believe that you have just helped yourself to some of my finest vodka. Without even asking."

Loki kept his gaze at the man as he slowly raised one of the glasses and downed it. He then looked at the bottle, picked it up and proceeded to refill his glass, before looking at Tony again.

"I see. What are you going to do about that?"

He could see Tony’s chest starting to rise and fall a little quicker than before as the man answered.

"I haven’t decided yet. Maybe I’ll start by demanding you give something back?"

Loki took another sip from his glass, but didn’t reply. Tony nodded to himself, feigning sudden seriousness.

"In fact, yes, I think I will. I want that shirt back."

He paused for a second, before adding, with a firmness that sent a shiver down Loki’s spine:

"Now."

Loki smiled, and set the glass back down before gripping the bottom of the shirt he was wearing and pulling it off over his head with one smooth movement, and placing it on the counter next to the vodka. Tony’s eyes wandered down his body, and he felt himself grow harder as he saw with how much want the man took it in.

"Aren’t those my pants?" Tony next question came.

Loki looked down at what he was wearing, pretending not to know that of course it was.

"I believe they are", he confirmed after a few heartbeats.

"Then give them back. And while you’re at it, lose the socks too. I don’t want you wearing anything of mine, until you’ve earned it."

"As you wish", Loki obediently replied, bending down to pull his socks off first, then standing back up and slowly unbuttoning the front of his pants, his cock harder still.

He let the jeans fall to the floor and forced his breathing to be somewhat controlled as he could see the bulge in Tony’s jeans grow as the man was looking him over.

"Get over here with that vodka", he ordered, and Loki obeyed, grabbing the two glasses with one hand and the bottle with the other.

Tony was sat with his legs apart, and Loki walked over and stood between them, holding the glasses out. Tony grabbed one and downed it, then returned his gaze to Loki.

"Now", he said, almost menacingly. "How are you gonna go about settling this debt?"

 

_Loki felt himself fleeting through the events that had taken place since his other self had confirmed that he would not want his memories back._

_Nothing mattered any more._

_The fact that Tony Stark was ordering him around, stripping him down and obviously intending to have at him, meant nothing. An hour ago, he would have reveled at the prospect of a repeat of the amazing orgasm he had been brought to by Tony’s mouth around him, but now he just felt empty._

_His life was pointless, he had no power over anything; not his full mind, not his desires, not his body. Nor would he ever have. He couldn’t even end this miserable excuse of a life that was staked out before him, but was doomed to be a spectator of however his lesser self decided to live out the life that had been his._

_He heard himself answer Tony that the first thing to do was move to a bed. But Loki was numb. He felt his body grab Tony by the hand and lead him towards his bed chambers, as he himself fell deeper and deeper into an all consuming despair._


	25. Clearing debts

Loki watched expectantly as Tony lied down on his back on the bed, still fully dressed. The fact that he himself remained standing naked, waiting for a command, under the man’s eager gaze, added to his excitement. In a part of his mind he acknowledged how much he had come to trust Tony in such a short time to feel comfortable being in such an inferior position.

Suddenly Tony clicked his fingers and pointed at his lap, which had Loki walk over and straddle him. He could feel the bulge inside the jeans press against him, and his breath quickened. Tony was silent, mouth slightly opened, following his every move.

"Do you trust me?" Loki wondered, huskily.

"Today I do", Tony breathed, and Loki bent down and kissed him deeply.

Then he reached down to the side of the bed and fished out a belt from one of the trousers. It was made of a tightly woven cotton, and would serve his purposes well. He saw Tony’s eyes follow the belt as Loki moved back on top of him.

"Put your hands above your head", Loki ordered, plainly.

Tony did as he was told, seemingly not minding the sudden shift in command, and Loki leant forward and tied them together to the headboard of the bed. When he was done he leant back in for a kiss, before making the last preparation, looking at Tony with a cheeky smile.

"Your safety word is 'Steve'."

Tony grinned back at him.

"I won’t be saying his name in bed."

Loki pushed the man’s T-shirt up so that his upper body was once again his to admire.

"I should hope not", he agreed. "The only name I want to drag from your lips is mine."

He then without further warning bent down and placed his mouth on Tony’s left nipple and sucked gently, having the man give out a surprised gasp.

"Aah, well, oh, you… might… have to do, ungh… better than… that", Tony’s hitched voice managed to convey, and Loki smiled against his skin, as he kissed and licked his way down the man’s stomach.

"I intend to have you begging, Stark."

Tony managed an arrogant laugh, which looked amusing, coming from the tied up man.

"Tony Stark doesn’t beg, Bambi."

Loki lifted his head to look at the man who with a superior smile looked back down at him. He started unbuttoning the jeans, and then pulled them down together with the underpants the man was wearing, but only down to his knees. He then sat back up, looking with a pleased smile at the man’s impressive size, standing hard before him.

"In fact", Tony continued, as arrogantly. "Right now it looks like you’re the one about to beg for something."

Loki looked back at him, smiling. Just you wait, he thought, but offered other words.

"Do you want me to beg? Would that go toward settling my debt to you?"

Tony pondered upon the idea for a split second before replying.

"Sure. That would probably make us even for the vodka. Go ahead, beg me."

Loki moved closer so that his mouth was inches away from the man’s cock. He then looked up and met his eyes.

"May I please take you in my mouth?" he asked, with as humble a voice as he could muster, somewhere knowing that Tony’s former images of him would serve to make this one far more effectual.

Tony’s hitched breathing at his words assured him that he had been wise to exploit his not remembered past, and the man could only nod his reply. Loki quickly wet his lips and put them around Tony’s cock, swiftly moving down as far as he could go.

"Jesus Christ!" he heard Tony shout out, and Loki sat back up and looked disapprovingly at him.

"That is not my name."

Tony panted as he looked at him with a little panicked disappointment showing in his eyes at the pleasure having been so briskly taken from him.

"Say my name, and I’ll continue", Loki promised, moving his head back, close to Tony’s cock.

"Loki", the man willingly offered, and was instantly rewarded as his length was once again deep inside an eager mouth.

Loki had no distinct memory of doing this before, just as he had no distinct memories of anything before waking up in Tony’s bed, but still somehow knew quite well what would make the man react in the preferred way.

And react he did.

Before long Tony was bucking his hips to press deeper into Loki’s mouth, and he could taste a slight bit of salt, as the man edged closer to coming. Loki once again let go of Tony, and was met with an agonized gasp. He purposely took his time maneuvering so that he was sat just above Tony’s throbbing cock, grabbing it with one hand and using the soaking end of it to wet his own entrance. Tony’s wide eyes stared at him, but whenever he raised his hips to push inside, Loki moved away, resulting in a whining moan from the man underneath him. Loki looked down at him, now being the one sporting the superior smile.

"Do you want it?"

Tony only nodded, breathing heavily.

"Then beg for it."

The man underneath him got a stubborn look on his wanting face and remained quiet, apart from his ragged breathing. Loki’s smile turned devious and he lowered himself down a tiny bit, letting the end of Tony’s cock push ever so slightly inside, having Tony gasp. But when he tried to push further in, Loki simply and inconsiderately moved away again.

"Please, please, please Loki", Tony feverishly surrendered. " _Please_ , let me fuck you."

Loki relished the moment.

"If I let you fuck me", he mused, letting Tony again feel the entrance with his cock, but not more. "Will I be debt free?"

"Yes!" the word a desperate pant more than anything.

Loki asked the question he’d been savoring since he started.

"Is Tony Stark begging me?"

"Yes!" the man writhed underneath him. "Yes, I am begging you! Please Loki, please just… let me!"

Loki let himself be persuaded and lowered his body down onto Tony’s cock slowly, feeling it push inside. Tony’s loud gasp drowned out his own, as he sank down to take all of his length. Carefully he moved up slightly and felt Tony’s cock slide out, but just before he removed himself completely he pushed back down, drawing yet another gasp from both their lips. He then proceeded to move his hips up and down so that Tony’s breathing quickened even further, as his cock pushed deep into him, faster and faster. He could see Tony being forced towards his orgasm, and he urged the man onwards by pushing down even harder.

"Say my name", he ordered, panting.

"Oh Loki!" Tony obeyed, and then again, as he reached his climax. "LOKI!"

Loki felt the man push into him a few more times, and then fall still, panting heavily and with a sheen of sweat covering his body. Loki moved to have him pull out, which made Tony wince slightly before looking up at him with a dazed, post orgasmic smile.

"Oh. My. God."

"You may call me that, in addition to Loki."

Tony just kept smiling.

"Heh. I might have to. That was incredible!"

He pulled a little on the restraint that still had his arms locked above his head.

"Wanna set me free now?"

Loki fixed him in a stern gaze.

"You think we’re done here, do you?" he asked, letting his voice carry a taste of threat before he looked down at his own cock, still achingly hard.

Tony’s eyes followed his, and his breathing hitched once more as they took in Loki’s still adamant arousal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first ever attempt at writing an explicit sex scene. I hope it wasn't rubbish.


	26. Godly state

Loki moved down the bed and pulled the man’s pants and underpants clean off. At this Tony looked a little worried, and Loki locked his gaze with his.

"I hope you don’t intend on speaking someone else’s name", he threatened in a low voice, almost a growl.

Tony didn’t say anything, only shook his head. Pleased, Loki saw how he was growing hard again, and he nodded appreciatively.

"Maybe you can handle me, after all."

He then gripped both the man’s ankles. Using a strength he knew wasn’t obvious he had in his slender body, and the element of surprise, he flipped Tony over onto his stomach.

"Shit!" the man’s shocked outcry came, and Loki slowly and threateningly started crawling up the bed, putting his hands and knees on either side of Tony’s body.

As his cock came level with Tony’s ass he pushed his hips down a little, placing it between the cheeks and pressing slightly. He could feel Tony tense, and he leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"A little nervous, are we? The great Tony Stark, trembling with fear at the thought of being taken from behind?"

Tony offered no reply other than heavy breathing, and Loki leant down and sank his teeth into the man’s neck, harder than that time before, in the kitchen. Tony gasped, and Loki’s hand moved around to the front of his chest, finding a nipple and playing with it, turning the gasp into a low moan. He then eased up a little, kissing Tony gently and lingeringly across his neck, up under his ear, and then back down, all the while keeping his cock firmly pressed against him.

When Tony’s breathing started hitching from the work his tongue was doing, he moved his hand down along the front of his body. This had Tony push up slightly to allow him access, resulting in him pressing up against the meeting hips, which had Loki bite his lip to stifle a gasp. His hand found Tony’s cock, once again throbbing, and started gently rubbing it as he sat up between the man’s legs. Tony was now panting heavily, grinding his hips into his grip, and Loki smiled at the sight before him. He then let go of Tony, having the man whimper in disappointment.

"Soon, my dear", Loki mumbled as he wetted his fingers in his mouth.

He then carefully placed them against Tony’s entrance, still slightly lifted up towards him, resulting in another shocked outcry, riddled with pleasure, from the man. Loki started circling his fingers, feeling his cock twitch at every pleased gasp the movement drew from the man. Gently, he then eased one finger inside, and felt a small tension, before Tony relaxed again, groaning from how Loki made him feel. He pushed the finger deeper inside, carefully as not to draw the wrong name from Tony’s lips. But the only thing coming from Tony was deep moans, and Loki pulled his finger out, only to have it joined by a second one, pushing back in. Slowly he started finger fucking the man, tantalizingly rubbing the inside of him until he once again had him begging.

"Please, just, just… harder! More!"

Loki smiled, removed his fingers and spat in his hand. As he wetted his cock up, he spoke with a hoarse voice, revealing at the same time how much he himself was gagging for it.

"Yet again I have you begging. It is the most satisfying sound."

He placed his cock at Tony’s entrance and began to ease in to him. He had to restrain himself with every fiber of his being not to push in deep and hard. It was torture, going as slow as he did, but he knew it would be worth it, allowing Tony to adjust to him. Tony however seemed to feel a more pressing need than he had anticipated, and Loki cried out in surprise as the man rose up to meet him, and he found himself pushed all the way inside.

"Oh gods!" he shouted and grabbed on to Tony’s hips as he couldn’t hold back any longer, but started pushing into him, hard and fast.

Tony, with his hands still bound above his head, mirrored his movements pushing back with every beat, and Loki felt himself being close to coming already. Without losing the rhythm, he reached around and took hold of Tony’s cock, wet from pre-cum, and started rubbing it, matching the movements his hips were making. He knew he was pressing into Tony, onto the right spots, and only a few strokes were needed before he could feel Tony’s cock starting to twitch in his hand, and hear the man start to shout out his name, once again. As Tony came his body tensed around Loki’s cock, instantly pushing him into his own orgasm, and he found himself shouting Tony’s name also, before collapsing down on top of him.

The two of them laid silent like that, catching breaths for a few minutes, before Loki rolled off Tony. He reached up and released Tony’s arms, and the man rolled onto his back, rubbing his wrists with a big smile on his face.

"Shiiit", he chuckled. "I’m so gay."

Loki was about to ask what that meant when Jarvis cleared his throat to get their attention.

"That’s a function I’ve put in", Tony pointed out to Loki. "He doesn’t have a throat, really. What, Jarvis?"

"Sir, director Fury has tried calling you several times."

Loki turned to Tony with a questioning look, as phone calls had interrupted them before.

"I’ve programmed him to not put phone calls through if I’m naked, with one or more people, before everyone’s had at least one orgasm", Tony explained before turning his voice at Jarvis once more.

"Tell him to get the guys and come over here tomorrow, around midday. We’ll have to tell them about that memory thing. And no more phone calls till then."

"Yes sir", Jarvis replied and went quiet.

Tony then turned to look at Loki, who had kept his gaze on him the entire time, basking in the post orgasmic feeling.

"You know, after this, I might actually have to start calling you ‘my god’."

 

_The irony wasn’t lost on Loki. He was no longer a god._

_What he was, he did not know, but it bared no resemblance to those that had been his mighty brethren in Asgard centuries ago, when he had still been held in high esteem among its citizens._

_He looked at Tony, through the other’s eyes, whose body was still covered with a glistening sheen from what had gone on moments before. He realized that he had also come to care deeply for this man, though perhaps not as deeply as his lesser self, who seemed capable of throwing himself head first into the whirlwind of emotion struck up by Tony Stark. Leaving the real Loki hesitating by the sidelines, wary and defensive, losing out._

_He had felt like an intruder during the sex, the other and Tony being so well matched. The despair he had found himself in as he had been forced to accept his fate, had further worsened. Leading up to what had happened between the other two, the fact that he was going to have sex with Tony Stark did nothing to rile him – he was far too deep into his anguish to do anything other than to numbly observe what was happening to his body – but as he could notice the intimacy forming between them, yet another thorn worked its way into him. This was not his place any more. He was not noticed, not needed and not missed. His body belonged to someone else, and this someone, having only had it for a few days, already played it better than he himself ever had._

_He started hoping that when his lesser self told Odin that he did not want his memory back, that the Allfather would at least have the mercy to end what was left of his own pathetic existence._


	27. Unwanted sleep

Loki returned to Tony’s home from his meeting with Odin, still the same as before, but as he stepped into the living room he was met with a threatening silence from the people he had come to consider friends. He gave them a kind smile, understanding their wariness.

"I’m back. And I still don’t remember anything."

Barton gave a short, disbelieving laugh and took a step forward, which had Loki halt.

"That’s what the old Loki would say. He’d worm his way into our lives again, and destroy them."

Loki looked at the man, whose eyes were once again filling with the hate that he had been met with during those first days, and he shook his head adamantly.

"No. I haven’t been turned back. Odin kept my memories, Thor can assure you of this!"

"Thor is a fool", Barton sneered. "He’d believe anything you say."

Loki let his eyes leave the man, and looked at the others. Steve and Bruce were stood, sullen faced at the back of the room, eyeing him with disappointment written all over their features.

"Bruce! Steve!" Loki pleaded. "I’m still me! How come you don’t believe me?"

"Just, don’t", Steve answered with a tired sigh. "I could never trust anything you said before. And I don’t now."

Bruce just looked the other way.

Loki’s eyes moved to the woman, stood to the far left, as he could feel a panic growing, slow and steady. Her eyes met his with the same blank expression as so often before, but this time it scared him.

"Natasha! Please, can’t you see that I’m still me?"

She didn’t move or say a word, just looked at him with an almost bored expression, that actually hurt more than the disappointment he had gotten of the others’ faces. She didn’t care at all. Loki turned to find Tony, but the man wasn’t in the room.

Suddenly Barton started slowly walking towards him, predator like, and Loki turned to run.

"Jarvis, lock the door!" Barton ordered, and Loki found himself yanking a door handle that wouldn’t budge.

He turned again, pressing his back against the door, realizing that he was caught. Barton was advancing, with a menacing grin and closed fists, and Loki shouted.

"Tony!"

Barton stopped for a moment and laughed, a mean, horrid laugh, before glaring at him.

"Tony? Tony’s dead! You killed him!"

 

Loki sat up straight, panicked and covered in cold sweat. He was in the bed from last night, with Tony stirring beside him. Realizing that it had all just been a horrible night mare calmed him somewhat, but he could still feel his heart trying to hammer its way out of his body.

"What’s the matter, Bambi?" Tony mumbled sleepily as he moved closer and put an arm around Loki’s waist. "Bad dream?"

Loki forced his breathing back to normal before he laid back down on his back, comforted by the weight of Tony’s arm, now across his chest. He stared at the ceiling.

"Yes. But it’s alright now."

Tony snuggled closer and Loki could feel his lips forming a smile against his arm.

"Good, cause I’m thinking a few more hours sleep, then maybe I can get to tie you up, if I promise to make breakfast?"

Loki smiled as he forced the discomfort from the nightmare far from his mind. Tony’s body pressing against him helped, and he felt himself drift back to sleep, feeling safe once more.

 

_Loki had also been tormented by nightmares every time his exhausted mind had fallen asleep. Several times he had woken up in sheer panic, but his body had remained still, stretched out on the bed and deeply asleep, which had done nothing to lessen his horror as he time and time again found himself in total darkness, helpless. Then, when his other self suddenly had suffered from dreamt panic, and woken up only to be comforted by Tony, he tried to steal some of the peace he could feel his body enjoying, but to no avail. His own panic was not lessened, and the remainder of the agonizing night was spent, suffering, being thrown between terrifying dreams and horrid, pitch black wake._

Loki was woken by Jarvis’ voice, informing them that director Fury, agent Romanov, captain Rogers, doctor Banner and agent Barton were approximately five minutes away. Tony flew from the bed.

"Shit! What time is it?"

"It is 11 am, sir", Jarvis dutifully informed him.

Tony spun around trying to find his clothes that had been thrown onto the floor the night before.

"Eleven?! Fricking impossible! I never sleep this late, unless I’ve drunk a bottle or more of liquor!"

Loki smiled at the man scrambling around the room with his pants half way up.

"I told you I could make you sleep soundly", he smiled.

Tony stopped, and looked at him before rewarding him with a big grin.

"That you did. Though I was hoping to have some time to return to this new land of amazing gay sex before the guys turned up."

Loki tilted his head as he heard the word again.

"What does ‘gay’ mean, exactly?"

Tony pulled his pants up with a surprised look, and proceeded to button them, which in spite of going in the wrong direction was incredibly hot to look at.

"‘What does gay mean’? What we did last night was very gay. Two dudes, having sex? That’s gay."

Loki pondered upon it, but didn’t quite understand the term. Tony, noticing his confusion asked a question in return.

"Do you not have a term for when people of the same sex sleep with each other?"

Loki searched his mind, then shook his head.

"Not that I can remember, at least. It’s a preference just like any other; dark haired people, fair haired people, men, women, others…"

Tony looked at Loki for a bit whilst considering this.

"Huh", he then offered. "Interesting. And probably for the best, as I don’t quite feel like tumbling out of the closet just yet, so could we maybe keep this our little secret for now?"

Loki smiled and rose from the bed.

"Sure thing. Though you might have to find a good explanation for why I’m walking around naked, since you took back the clothes I was wearing."

Tony’s eyes stared at the body before him, seemingly having forgotten what it looked like since the night before. Loki went to walk past him into the living room, but Tony reached out and put an arm around him, pulling him into a tight embrace and kissing him with a growing urge, whilst moving his hands down to grab a tight hold of Loki’s ass.

"Oh god, you are so HOT! I’m half tempted to lock all the doors to the building and blame it on Jarvis malfunctioning, until I’ve had you at least twice."

"Your guests just got into the elevator, sir", Jarvis pointed out. "Would you like me to have it break down between floors?"

Tony groaned.

"Ungh, better not. Bruce will hulk out and kill them if he gets stuck in a small space with the rest of them for any length of time."

He released Loki, who continued walking into the living room, with a carefree smile on his face.

"Bambi", Tony smiled teasingly, following him. "If I lend you some clothes, you better make it up to me later."

Loki strolled over to the couch and sat down, making no move to get dressed.

"I’m okay, thanks."

Tony’s smile fell. His eyes flickered between the display above the elevator door, luckily moving very slowly and still on single digits, Loki’s naked body and the clothes on the floor.

"'Steve'?" he tried, to which Loki only laughed.

"Tell you what", Loki then offered. "If I get dressed, YOU make it up to ME later."

"Deal!" Tony instantly agreed and ran to pick up the shirt and the pants, throwing them over at Loki, who obediently put them on. Just as he did up the last button on the pants, the elevator door opened. The rest of the Avengers stepped into the room, finding a flushed Tony standing in the middle of the room, and a relaxed Loki, lounging on the sofa, lifting his hand in a greeting.


	28. Kitchen aid

They had all sat down in the living room, where Loki had explained what Thor had said. He had told them that he would go with his brother to meet Odin, but that he would tell him that he did not want his memories back. This had been met with silence, until director Fury spoke up.

"How can we trust that? What if you come back here, pretending to be this harmless version of you and lures us all into false safety?"

Loki looked straight at the man as he answered, having anticipated the question.

"Thor can come with me, as a witness. I know you don’t trust me, and I can’t ask you to, but surely you trust my brother?"

Fury’s suspicious expression didn’t ease off though, and he continued.

"Another question. Why would you come back? Is your plan to hang out in Stark’s tower for the rest of your life? What’s in this for you?"

Loki smiled, and he could see Tony nervously shifting at that.

"I’ve been enjoying my time here, Tony’s been looking after me quite well. If he would have me, I would be happy to return, at least for the time being."

With this he turned to look at the man, making everyone follow his gaze. Tony reddened slightly as he shrugged.

"Whatever. He’s a good laugh, I don’t mind him hanging out here while he gets his life sorted out. Maybe I can have him do some paper work or something."

Fury turned to face Loki again, but didn’t say anything further. The silence dragged on for a few moments, while everyone was seemingly considering what Loki was about to do. Then Steve spoke up.

"Are you absolutely sure about this, Loki?"

He glanced at Barton before he continued.

"I mean, we weren’t overly fond of the old you, but surely there could be other memories, dear ones, that you shouldn’t just throw away?"

Loki smiled fondly at the man.

"I’m more worried about what I would throw away instead, if the memories were returned to me", he replied, forcing himself to keep his eyes on Steve, even though they longed to look at Tony as he spoke.

Steve frowned, with worry remaining on his face, but didn’t reply. After yet another silence, Barton spoke up.

"I appreciate what you’re doing Loki. Steve has a point, it’s quite a big deal for you to turn your back on everything that was before. Even though I personally am happy to never hear of it again."

He turned to Tony.

"So when is Thor turning up? Do we have time for a beer?"

Tony smiled and got on his feet.

"He should be here shortly, but there is always time for beer", he stated as he walked towards the adjoining kitchen. "Lager alright for everyone? For some reason I seem to be out of chilled stouts."

A moment after he’d disappeared Loki got up to follow him, informing the others that he would help the man carry the bottles back out.

Tony eyed him suspiciously as he stepped into the room, from where he was stood looking into the fridge.

"Come to give me a hand?"

"Or a mouth", Loki grinned, and closed the fridge door by leaning against it.

Tony took a small step back, trying to fight the smile that was obviously threatening to break out.

"Oh no you don’t", he whispered. "They’re just in the next room!"

"I know, isn’t it HOT?" Loki whispered back, eyes widening theatrically at the last word, and smiling at the slight panic in the man’s voice.

He reached out and started unbuttoning Tony’s jeans, and the man took further steps back, trying to wriggle away.

"No, no, no, Loki, stop it!" he whispered. "I’m serious! Stop it, someone’ll come in here any second!"

"Oh I know", Loki assured him. "Someone WILL come, in here."

Tony stifled a laugh, as he kept moving away from him, still pleading in a hushed voice.

"I mean it, stop it! Let me go!"

But Loki had maneuvered him into a corner, cutting off all escape routes, and could finally carry on unbuttoning his pants, through which he could feel Tony’s arousal.

"'Steve'!" the man hissed in panic, which had Loki take a step back, pursing his lips disappointedly.

"Yes?" they could hear Steve Rogers’ voice come from the living room.

Tony stared at Loki with eyes still gleaming with lust filled panic, but now with amusement rising in them.

"Uh, nothing!" he shouted, trying to keep his voice straight, and Loki leaned against him, muffling his laughter into his shirt. "I, uh, just remembered, you wanted a lager too."

"We all did, but it seems to be taking FOREVER", they could hear Barton’s voice mutter.

Tony gave Loki a final glare, before opening the fridge door again and grabbing a handful of bottles. He handed them to Loki and ushered him towards the door.

"Go on, you little minx. Leave me to adjust myself, and I’ll be with you shortly."

Loki stepped towards the door, but lingered in the doorway, looking at the man starting to button his pants back up.

"I can help", he offered.

"Schoo!" Tony just hissed, and Loki turned and walked into the living room, only to step straight into a strong gust of wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Tony can have Loki give him foot massages, when he returns from his meeting with Odin?


	29. Excerise regimes

Loki stopped in the doorway, closing his eyes from the wind, bottles in both hands. When it had died down, he opened them to see his brother, standing in the center of the room, looking around him. As Thor’s eyes fell on Loki, he smiled.

"Brother!"

Loki smiled back at him and walked over to the others, who were all in apparent awe at Thor’s travelling technique, save Natasha, and he handed out the bottles he was carrying. Tony stepped into the room, also carrying a few bottles, and as Thor saw him, he beamed at him too.

"Man of iron! What joy to see you on your feet this time!"

Loki couldn’t help a small burst of laughter escaping his lips, having the others look at him questioningly. Tony cleared his throat.

"Yeah, uh, thanks Thor. So how do we do this?"

Thor however, was in too great of a mood to get straight to business, and looked around the room.

"The things that you get to see when you don’t announce your arrival in advance!" he boomed, with an amused smile, having everyone’s attention turn from Loki and his attempt to stop his laughing and to Thor instead. "I tell you, never had I expected my brother to have the great Tony Stark...-"

"DOING PILATES!" Tony shouted, and gave a nervous laugh. "Ain’t that right, Bambi? Turns out Reindeer Games is a hard core pilates fan, and who am I to turn him down?"

"Oh but the look on your face told me you also quite enjoyed doing the pilates", Thor interjected with a knowing smile and actually gave Tony a wink, obviously thinking pilates was the Midgardian term for what had gone on the day before.

Tony smiled uncomfortably, and Loki stepped in.

"Tony was actually surprisingly good at it, given that he’s never done it before."

Tony looked like he was torn between glaring at him for encouraging Thor by engaging in the topic and thanking him for the compliment, when Barton spoke up, after taking a long swig from his bottle.

"I don’t get it. What’s so great about pilates?"

Thor stared at him, baffled.

"You’ve never tried doing pilates?"

Barton shrugged.

"I thought it was mainly something women do."

Thor smiled knowingly again.

"Many men think that, but you should give it a try! It can be divine."

A silence settled, as Thor was seemingly reminiscing the times he had done pilates in the past, and Loki looked at Tony with a cheeky smile. The man looked a little more relaxed, but then Steve raised a hand.

"What IS pilates, exactly?"

Thor turned to him to answer, but Tony beat him to it.

"I’ll explain to you later, Steve! Surely, Loki needs to go with you to meet with Odin, right Thor?"

Thor looked as if he had completely forgotten about that fact, but when reminded, he straightened his back a little, as if on duty.

"Of course."

He looked fondly at the people around him.

"Now, if you could all please leave this room. I am not as skilled in magic as my brother used to be, so it’s safest if it’s only him and me in the room as I extend the spell that has me travel to Asgard, to include him."

He didn’t have to say that twice, as all of the people instantly rose to their feet. Fury was the first to leave the room, followed by Bruce and Barton. Natasha lingered a few moments, and didn’t leave until Loki had caught her looking at him, though her face revealed no emotion before she turned away and left the room. Nonetheless, he smiled after her. Then Steve walked up to him and searched his eyes.

"Are you still sure about this?"

Loki nodded, which the man accepted, and turned to leave the room as well.

"Tony, are you coming?" he asked as he was about to step through the door.

"Yeah, I’ll be right there, just gonna…" Tony broke off, moving some stuff around on the table. "You go ahead, I’m right behind you."

Steve left, and Tony stopped fidgeting, and stood up and looked at Loki.

"Do I need to be worried?" he asked. "When will you be back?"

Loki turned to Thor.

"It should be before tomorrow", the thunderer informed them.

Tony nodded, put his hands in his pockets and took a small step forward.

"Cool", he said, staring as his feet. "I better leave you guys then."

"Man of iron!" Thor bellowed. "You better give my brother a proper farewell!"

The loud command had Tony jump and scramble forward, and Loki caught him in his arms.

"Man", Tony complained silently to Loki. "This is so awkward."

Loki smiled and gave the man a lingering kiss, filled with promise of what would follow upon his return. After he broke it, Tony reluctantly backed away until he was at the door. With one last hesitant wave he then stepped out through it, and Loki clenched his jaw as a worry he could not explain started building in him. Thor reached out his hand, as a wind started to rise around them.

"Come brother, let us go return your memory!" he smiled warmly.

Loki grabbed a hold of his hand as the wind rapidly started blowing faster around them.

"About that…" he started, but didn’t get a chance to finish, as the world dissolved around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, double update Sunday!
> 
> Thor has evidently accepted whatever went on between Tony and his brother, and even seems to have warmed to the idea. He's obviously used to the fact that Loki enjoys doing pilates with men, and that doesn't bother him. It never really did when he caught Loki and Tony together, to be honest, it was just shock as he was very much not expecting it.
> 
> Still no _Loki_ in this chapter, I am afraid (sorry!). There will be glimpses of his terrified self in the next chapter though, I promise. The poor soul.


	30. Moment of reckoning

As the world came back into being Loki found himself in a great hall, vastly different to what he had come to be used to. He let go of Thor’s hand and turned to look around him. The magnificent room was empty, but for one other person, sat immobile on a throne by the wall nearest to them. Two ravens were perched on either arm rest, perfectly still, and Loki couldn't stop himself from staring at them, trying to establish if they were real.

Suddenly the figure spoke, and Loki’s gaze was drawn to him, amazed at how he looked both ancient and invulnerable at the same time. Loki could see that he only had one eye, which was piercing through him, fixing him to the floor.

"My son", the voice echoed through the deserted hall. "My sons."

 

_Odin._

_Loki’s mind, that had up until this moment been a shattered, insane mess, gathered around the Allfather._

_This was it._

_He found himself begging, hoping that he who had always claimed to be his father, and obviously claimed it still, would hear him._

_"Please, if you can hear me, kill me. If what you have insisted in the past is true, prove to me now that you care for me enough to put me out of this misery. I give up."_

Loki realized that it was Odin sat before him, and he looked at him warily. He saw him frown somewhat as the silence dragged on, and wondered if he was supposed to address him. He glanced at Thor, but got no help as his brother was just stood, silent, with his eyes on the floor and hands behind his back. Loki took a nervous breath, and made a bow.

"Father", he said, meaning for it to come out sounding confident, but heard as the word echoed how much fear was conveyed.

Odin nodded slightly.

"Loki. You stand before me much sooner than I had planned."

Loki straightened his back and looked at him again, not knowing how to reply. Odin continued.

"For the crimes committed you were sentenced, some say too harshly."

One of the ravens turned its head to look at Thor at these words, who tensed slightly.

"Sentenced to be parted from your self, removed from the power you had wielded so recklessly, destroying so much in the process. My intention was to have you live among those you hurt the most, forced to get to know them and to put faces and emotions to the lives you so easily would have taken in the past, before returning your memory to you. But your brother is eager and impatient, and I will not go into what your loving mother has threatened with to make me rush this decision. They think that it is unjust of me to rid you of yourself, and have made it clear to me that my judgment on the matter might be at fault. So I ask you now, my son, are you ready to have your memories returned to you?"

Loki braced himself.

"No."

Thor stared at him, obviously shocked, but Odin didn’t offer any sign that his answer surprised him. Loki started to explain, addressing both Thor and Odin.

"I understand that I must have done horrible things in the past. I learnt as much from how the people I now have come to consider friends looked at me when I first entered their lives, cleared from memories. Undoubtedly, I deserved whatever punishment you deemed fit. But the people you left me with have already come to mean much to me."

He smiled to himself, as the thought of Tony, waiting for him back home struck him. And then he smiled deeper as he realized he already considered it home.

"If my memories are returned to me, they will in turn regain their past feelings towards me. I do not want to lose them. If the choice is to lose the good memories with all the bad ones, or to lose what might come from this new life…"

Loki paused and drew a deep breath before looking back up at Odin.

"I am sorry, I must choose to not remember my past."

 

 _"Do you see? You did it. You not only proved to me yourself, but you had_ me _prove to myself, that I am truly worthless."_

_Loki had no way of knowing if Odin could hear him, but he could not bear to consider the alternative. He cried out what he prayed would be his last words, trying to reach the Allfather over the other’s voice, echoing loud through the halls. His, only heard in his own mind, and possibly Odin’s._

_"If it is true that he is me but without the memories then do as he asks. He calls you father, he feels for Thor, and he has made friends with all the people that two weeks ago would have killed me given half a chance. It is clear, painfully clear, that he is a better person than I could ever be. And the worst part of it all, is that I agree with him. I know it is a mercy that I am not entitled to ask for, but nonetheless I beg. I beg of you to end what is left of me. I have no place left in this world."_

_Suddenly, he heard Odin’s voice inside his head, interrupting his pleading thoughts._

_"My son, I cannot do what you ask of me."_

_Loki stared in horror at the god, still immobile on the throne, and knew he was doomed._

Loki waited as Odin kept his unrelenting gaze at him, silent. He started worrying that his choice had been a grave insult, and glanced over at Thor again. His brother was looking at him with a sad smile, but Loki was relieved to see that there was understanding in his eyes.

Then Odin spoke.

"Thor, leave us."

Thor hesitated, but as both ravens turned threateningly to stare at him he gingerly turned to leave, casting an apologetic glance at his brother. Loki watched him walk away and disappear through a door, and he felt a fear growing from the pit of his stomach.

When the echo of the closing door had died out, he turned to face Odin again, who spoke gravely.

"The choice is yours to make, and if you decide to turn your back on your past, I will not stand in your way. But before you make that choice, you must know of what you leave behind. What I told you is true, you have been ridded of your memories. But there is more."

Odin made a pause, and one of the ravens shifted uncomfortably before he continued.

"Your full mind has not in truth been taken from you. It has been locked away, deep inside of you. You are a powerful demigod, Loki, your immortality is almost par with your brother’s, and I cannot change this. Your other self is asking me to end his life, as he has accepted his fate. But I cannot."

Loki frowned as he tried to understand. He looked at Odin.

"What do you mean?"

"If you decide to turn down my offer of your memories being returned to you, you will condemn that part of you to be locked away forever, doomed to remain a silent witness. He will see what you see, feel what you feel and hear what you think, as you are the same, but he will never be able to do more than that. You might forget about him, in fact I urge you to, but you must know of him as the sentence must fall from you."

 

_Loki could feel the confusion and fear rushing through the other’s body, and the panicked thoughts, stumbling over each other. And then, a rising anger._

"Why do you tell me this?!" Loki screamed at Odin, suddenly furious as he realized what he was about to have to do. "Why could you not have spared me this?"

Odin’s face still offered no emotion, but one of the ravens turned its head away.

"You are my son", Odin replied. "Your full mind is my son, and I will not pretend to have abandoned him. You, standing before me, are also my son, but purer. You are the person he would have ended up being, had my failure as a father not been so dire. To have you decide on your own fate is the only way. Whatever you decide, in effect, you will deserve."

Loki just stared at him, arms having fallen to his sides.

"I hate you", he whispered.


	31. Kiss it goodbye

The wind died down around them, and Loki let go of Thor’s hand. He raised his head, wearily, to see who would still be there, waiting for his return.

They all were.

Paused mid movement, interrupted by the gods’ sudden appearance, he could see how whatever they had been talking about was completely forgotten as all eyes turned to them. No one spoke, and as the silence grew he saw how their expectant faces started to change into worried expressions, apart from Natasha’s, who as per usual gave away nothing. And as heartbreaking as it was to see the apprehension grow on his friends’ faces, he found nothing to say to calm them.

The silence was finally broken by Tony, who stepped towards him.

"Bambi! Welcome back! Did all go as planned?"

Loki could hear the forced joyfulness in his voice, willing the answer to his question to be yes, but already knowing that it wasn’t. His eyes met Tony’s, but still he couldn’t speak. It was Thor who came to his rescue.

"My brother went to turn down the offer of his memories being returned to him. But…"

He broke off, as he couldn’t actually say what had taken place while he had been out of the room. After two hours he had been summoned, found his brother sprawled out on the floor and Odin gone. Loki had looked up at him, tears still streaming from his eyes, and simply stated “soon I will remember you, brother”. Thor had held him then, and when the tears had dried, Loki had asked him to take him back.

And here they were.

"What happened?" Steve’s anxious voice urged, as he took a few steps forward. "Did Odin not respect your choice?"

Loki looked sadly at him, wondering how long it would take before the caring worry he could see in the man’s eyes would vanish.

"The choice was mine, but the stakes were higher than I had foreseen", he answered, voice cracked from defeat.

Fury took a step forward, a growing anger rising in his voice.

"So are you telling me you’re back to your usual self?" he growled.

Loki could see Thor tense at his tone and he quickly turned to the man to answer.

"Not yet. His return will be gradual. I cannot say when I end and he begins. Or when I am whole once more."

Loki’s eyes moved past Fury to find Barton, who was standing staring at him, in shock. Loki looked back at him, before offering words he had offered before, fully knowing it would again be in vain.

"I’m sorry."

Barton just stared at him for a few more moments, before turning around to leave. Fury called out to stop him.

"Agent Barton! You are not released from duty!"

But Barton left, and Loki’s shoulders slumped. Fury glared at the people around him.

"Right, if this god is turning back to his old self I need him back at base."

Thor stepped in front of Loki, placing himself between his brother and the director.

"I strongly advise you to leave my brother be, Fury", he warned, and a faint rumble of thunder could be heard coming from the horizon, where storm clouds suddenly had started gathering, and were steadily growing.

Fury, however, did not back down.

"You’re on earth now, Thor, and I will do what is within my power to protect its people. If that includes locking your crazy brother up, then so be it."

A crack of lightening was seen in the distance as a reply to his words, but before anyone else could react Tony stepped into the middle of the room.

"Everybody out, save the gods", he stated matter-of-factly.

"You are not in a position to give me orders, Stark!" Fury snapped, but Tony just lifted up his hands, showcasing the silver bracelets Loki remembered from day one.

"Fury, I’m fucking past caring. I’m telling you now, if you don’t fucking leave my tower, I’m suiting up and blasting you out of it."

Fury looked as if he could murder Tony, but before he got a chance to reply Steve stepped in.

"With all due respect, sir", he offered in a low voice. "If Bruce hulks out, we won’t be able to control who he attacks in this small area. Thor is on our side, and Tony has his suit. They will manage the situation. We won’t be able to do anything here."

Fury didn’t take his eyes, blazing with rage, off Tony, who offered stubborn anger in return.

"Rogers, Romanov and Banner, you leave with me", Fury barked after a few quiet moments.

The two men walked with him into the elevator, but Natasha remained standing, looking at Loki.

"Romanov!" Fury called, annoyed.

But still she didn’t move, simply replied in a flat voice.

"I answer to no man, unless I feel like it. You’d do well to remember that, Fury."

As the elevator door closed Loki could see Fury clenching his fists, and Banner and Rogers shifting uncomfortably.

 

_Loki was anxious._

_"Tell them! Tell them why you chose to let me return! Make them understand that not everything is lost!"_

_Impatiently he kept trying to speak his thoughts out loud, but the only words coming over his body’s lips were still ones he did not control._

Loki turned to look at Tony, who still stood in the center of the room, staring at the closed elevator door. His hands were dying to reach out to touch the man, to hold him and assure him that it would be alright. But he couldn’t, as it was not a promise he dared make.

Suddenly, Tony spoke, voice forced into sounding level and practical.

"So your memory will return?"

"Yes", Loki whispered, feeling like he was admitting to a grave betrayal.

"Do you know when? You said gradually, has it started?"

Loki searched his insides, but couldn’t feel any difference from the day before, other than despair.

"I don’t think so."

"Will your magic powers be returned to you?"

At this Thor turned to look at Loki, obviously also curious of the answer. Loki paused, considering if he should lie to calm the man, as the situation was already so far out of his control.

"Somewhat, yes."

At this Tony spun around and looked at him, suspicious and with a wary distance in his eyes that cut through Loki.

"‘Somewhat’?"

Loki took a step towards him, raising his hands pleadingly as he tried to remember what Odin had told him.

"My full powers are still kept by Odin, and will remain so for the foreseeable future, but there are parts of it that will return to me like a second language. Magic is made up of many fractions, and Odin could not rid me of all of it, even though I asked him to. But what I will be capable of doing will be no threat to you, I swear."

At this Tony gave a short laugh, which sounded bitter.

"I wish I could believe you, Bambi. I really do."

He turned to Thor.

"So what now, big man? Why have you come back here with him?"

Thor frowned at the question.

"This is where my brother wished to go."

Tony narrowed his eyes at the god.

"Right. But why? When Olden Goldie returns, he’s just gonna try and kill us all, so I rather have you take him back with you and rid us of him before that happens."

At this more thunder rolled from the skies, still far away, but rapidly advancing.

"You watch your tongue, man of iron", Thor threatened. "I have seen how deeply Loki cares for you, and I will not have you hurt him!"

At this Tony lost his temper and stepped up to the god, ignoring how he was towering above him.

"Hurt HIM? Fuck you, Thor! Do you have any idea how I feel? Your baby brother is thrown into my lap, left on my doorstep for me to look after. Which I do, cause I’m a nice guy. Turns out, he’s a nice guy too, and before I know it he’s wormed his way into my life and into a place not many people have fucking set foot before. And just as I’ve come to accept this – which was a fucking huge effort on my behalf, I’ll have you know – YOU turn up and drag him away, only to have him return, telling me he won’t be here much longer! Why? Cause his fucking evil other self is coming back to claim the space!"

Tony pointed at Loki, but kept his eyes on Thor. Even so, Loki could see there were tears in them.

"HE’S NOT THE ONE HURTING HERE!"

Silence fell over the room, and the only sound that was heard was Tony’s hard breathing, after having yelled at Thor. Loki tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke.

"Thor. Natasha. Would you please leave us?"

Thor, seeming deflated from Tony’s outburst, turned to Loki and nodded sadly.

"Call for me and I will be by your side, brother."

 

_Loki was surprised at Thor’s willingness to abide his request. Usually his brother was incapable of stepping back when Loki was in trouble. He felt himself form words he hadn’t aimed at Thor for many years._

 

"Thank you", Loki said, and was met by another brief nod from Thor before the wind had him vanish.

Loki turned to look at Natasha, who walked up to him. He drew a shaky breath, fighting to hold back tears that were threatening to spill. It was all falling apart in his hands. She looked at him, as controlled as always, for which he was now grateful.

"If you need to, you come stay with me", she informed him. "I am not afraid of you. I never was."

 

_Loki felt warmth welling through him at her invite, which he was almost certain wasn’t a trap._

 

"Thank you", Loki smiled before realizing something. "I always admired you."

The woman offered him a small smile at that.

"You’re starting to remember", she stated. "You better clear things with Tony whilst he still has a chance to trust you. I’ll be two floors down. Jarvis will inform me if things go bad."

With those words she turned to leave and Loki once more felt himself smile at her departing back. Then he turned to Tony, who was stood with his eyes closed, breathing mechanically. He walked over, careful not to get too close even though he was aching to.

"Tony", he said softly, and the man opened his eyes to look at him.

 

_Loki tried to assure himself that he could see a small flicker of hope among all the hurt in Tony’s eyes._

_"We need to explain to him! We need to make him understand!"_

"Can I please explain?" Loki whispered, to which Tony shrugged.

"Sure. It was probably me reading too much into it anyway. I wouldn’t have chosen me either."

At this Loki reached out and gripped his wrists, which this time had Tony flinch, but at least he didn’t move away.

"I would’ve chosen you!" Loki insisted with desperation in his voice. "But had I chosen to dismiss my memories, the other version of me, the part of my mind belonging to him, would have been caught inside me forever."

Loki bent down slightly to make Tony meet his gaze, as he continued.

"All this time, the old Loki has been locked inside me, seeing what I see and feeling what I feel, but unable to control his body. Or my body. This body."

Tony frowned, but Loki wasn’t sure he would be able to explain it any better than that.

"Are you saying…" Tony started, confused. "That the old Loki has been here all along?"

Loki nodded.

"According to Odin, yes."

Tony’s eyes moved rapidly before him as he was thinking back to all that had happened over the past days. He then looked at Loki.

"When we were… I mean, when we had… He was THERE?"

Loki couldn’t help but give the man a small smile.

"Apparently."

Tony stared at him, before breaking out into laughter. Loki’s smile widened, partly from hearing the man laugh, but mainly cause he was still holding him by the wrists, and Tony didn’t seem to mind. After a moment Tony calmed down and turned to Loki again.

"Now he’s DEFINITELY gonna kill me!" he pointed out, but couldn’t help but smiling slightly.

Loki was overcome by a strong sense of certainty.

"I won’t", he promised. "As long as I get to do it again, when I actually have full control of my body."

Tony tensed, smile faltering. He wriggled out of Loki’s grip and took a small step back.

"Is he coming back now?" he asked, worry apparent in his voice. "How do I know when he’s back?"

 

_Loki felt frustration well through his insides as Tony moved away from him, but knew he had to tread carefully._

"You won’t", _he found himself being able to say. "_ You can only choose to trust me when I tell you that I remember everything, and that I still share the feelings the Loki from yesterday felt for you."

_However, his body was still not moving the way he wanted, which perhaps was good, as all he was dying to do was reach out and kiss Tony. Yet his body remained still, and Tony didn’t move further back. Loki continued._

"It’s probably best if I go stay with Natasha."

_He hoped Tony would object to this, but the man just nodded slowly, looking at the floor between them._

"I’ve done a lot of bad things", _Loki then said in a quiet voice._  "I deserved the punishment I got. And I was certain that the other me would condemn me to an eternity of non existence, as I was surely worthy of nothing more. But when he…"

 _He broke off. He couldn’t continue, he couldn’t find the words to explain to Tony how the fact that his lesser self had chosen to save him, at the same time giving away_ his _chance of happiness and a new life, had forced Loki to realize that what he had always told himself was false._

_He was not worthless. Inside him was the same regard for right and wrong as he, growing up, had admired so in his brother. Something that had later come to represent everything he hated and resented because it stood for what he was not. He had been certain that he was thoroughly selfish and cynical, and taken pride in this, which was why he had been driven to the brink of insanity as he fully expected his lesser self to condemn him to a lonely hell._

_Loki looked at Tony, who had raised his eyes to meet his._

"I’ll walk you out", _Tony finally sighed._

Standing in the elevator, Loki turned around to face Tony, who had his hand on the door, preventing it from shutting. Loki vainly prayed he would never let go, as he knew that the next time they saw each other, everything would be different.

"I’ll come see you", Tony promised, before smiling wryly. "I suppose there’ll be a whole other Loki I need to get to know."

Loki responded, with a careful smile.

"I hope you do. We can listen to our song."

At this Tony gave a short laugh, and Loki felt a hopeful spark light inside him at the sound.

"I better let you go", Tony stated, after a few moments' silence, though he didn’t move.

Loki nodded again, and forced himself to press the button for two floors down. He turned to Tony again, intending to face him bravely.

"Good bye, Tony."

As a reply, Tony leaned forward and kissed him.

 

_The kiss was only brief, and after Tony broke it, he stepped back without a word, allowing the elevator door to close._

_Still, it affected Loki even more than the previous ones they had shared, as he somehow knew that a part of this one was meant for him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long chapter, that could've been cut into at least two separate ones, but I didn't want to torture you more by dragging it out. Nope, you get the whole final chapter in one massive go! And now it's all come to an end, which is very bitter sweet...
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed these 31 chapters, and that those of you that intensely hated Odin in the last chapter have sent him an apologizing thought, as it was a master plan all along! Had Loki condemned himself, he WOULD'VE been evil and selfish, thus deserving what he got. (if you can deserve such a cruel punishment) But since Odin was sure of his son's true qualities, it was never any danger of that. Or..?  
> Anyway.
> 
> Also, those of you that did not enjoy previous chapters for worry of _Loki's_ fate, feel free to go re-read, knowing it will work out in the end. (yes, I am talking about the sex scenes)
> 
> I've absolutely loved writing this, not least reading your reactions to it. I have vague ideas for a next part, as this is obviously just a beginning for Loki and Tony. But don't hold your breaths, as I'm quite busy at work at the moment, and the ideas I have are only tiny still. One day. Though I dare not speculate when that day will come.
> 
> If there's anything specific you liked or didn't like, please leave a comment! Feedback is like a drug, as we all know.


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